September 30, 2011
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The Mommy Fog
I was reminded this morning about the pregnant/1 year "mommy fog". Do you know what I am talking about?
In March 2004 I got pregnant, miscarried in May, got pregnant with Miles in July, gave birth in April, got pregnant in November to Luke, gave birth in July of 2005.
When Luke turned 1, in July 2006...nearly two and a half years of being pregnant, nursing, having a baby...I remember telling John one day, "The old Heather is back."
I felt like a fog had cleared. A fog I had no idea I was in. But I could think again. My hormones seemed more balanced and controlled.
I wasn't expecting for all the hormonal changes to last for a full year. I never experienced with Miles because I was pregnant again before he turned 1.
Now, let me say that I am thankful to have my first two so close and actually John and I always encourage having two close. See, it's what we've experienced and we loved it...so we tell new parents that number 2 becomes an instant playmate for number 1 and that has just been a blessing in our family. Even as the years go on, the friendship between Miles and Luke is precious and we are watching Clark work his way into the duo.
So I don't say this to discourage close babies or to even complain about it...just to encourage other moms who may have never had that one year "hey I feel back to normal" experience.
I know a few moms who have had two, three or four babies close together, they have not come out of the fog and may not even realize they are still in that fog. Be encouraged, you're not going crazy, you're normal! Cut yourself slack! Give yourself grace! This will pass...all too quickly! Find some close girlfriends who've walked ahead of you. Vent to them. Share your heart with them.
Of course share with your husband, but at times we have no idea what we're really even feeling or thinking, we're just sad, frustrated, short-fused, numb, blank, tired, and a bit overwhelmed. He may just want to fix it, which is how men are wired...but since we really have no idea what's going on he's unable to help, thus he gets frustrated. You're frustrated, he's frustrated....not good for the marriage. This is where a girlfriend can just listen and say, "It's normal! I've been there, you will survive. You may not thrive, but you will survive!"
With Clark I was a bit more prepared. I knew it was okay that I couldn't think clearly. I look back at my blogs during that year and I didn't blog much because my brain just couldn't think. Also, with John I didn't expect to have spiritual or emotional growth during this time. I knew the fog (and lack of sleep) would just allow me to survive. I'd seek out thriving after that year ended. It gave me peace and took away some of my frustrating because I could put to words what was going on. "Hey this fog is thick today...brain will work again in a few months."
So be encouraged new mommy's, the fog will clear!
Comments (5)
I needed this today... the fog is pretty thick right now in my 3rd trimester with #3 & during the exhaustion of poor sleep & disciplining two toddlers! Thanks for this encouragment!
VERY TRUE. I was in the fog for over a decade - last fall, after 14 years of marriage, I was out. . . for three short months. I couldn't believe it. for the first time in our marriage, I wasn't pregnant or nursing AT ALL. For three months. I felt like me ! ! ! and I couldn't believe it lol! what a nice person I am after all I thought! Yes, I am grateful my children are close - wonderful to watch and be apart of what God has done and is doing there in their lives because of it. . . BUT, there are pros and cons and I see great benefit to breaks for the womans body mind and spirit. . . if just for the sake of our husbands lol - to know you still are the one he really did marry after all.
blessings on your weekend!
Heather, I'm glad that I'm not the only one who has experienced this...hooray! It seems like the fog has been the worst w/ #4...I suppose I have more to think about and more to multi-task. I'm w/ Alyssa...I'm glad my children are close, there are definite benefits! Heather, I like your advice to vent to a girfriend/sister b/c our husbands can't really understand...and they ARE "fixers"
Really good advice. I hope I remember these things when my children are having children! I'm learning how to balance it all...I don't want to forget the process, so I can relate to younger women/daughters when they're in this stage. 
I think this blog is so wise and so encouraging. You wouldn't hear a lot of women say this, or admit this, or even realize that there is a "fog" but I would attest as well. I seem to get hit by the horomone roller coaster quite often for a variety of reasons, but that first year after having a child is definately the most difficult emotionally. I remember thinking I must be crazy on numerous occasions, and my husband probably thought so too. And then one day, all of the sudden I felt like a woman again! It was amazing. Somewhere between the 10 month-to the 14 month mark, I started feeling more like a human again and not just a milk-machine/food source/diaper changer/nap initiator, etc. If there's one way to describe that "fog" for me it would be the fact that I just felt mechanical. Just like you said, surviving, not thriving. But praise the Lord it doesn't last forever. It's much easier to enjoy my children and husband when I value and recognize myself as a person, a woman who needs a little pampering every now and then too. Anyway, thanks for your encouraging words. If/when we get pregnant again and I more than likely go through this all over, I need to remind myself.
Ha ha! I definitely found myself having "mommy brain" moments during the first trimester with this one and then remembering "the fog"! Moments such as dropping Ryan off for his back surgery, then the next day having NO earthly idea what I did with his wallet that contained his credit cards, military ID, etc. (By God's grace I finally recalled where I had put it before he came home, and he never knew about that). So I'm going to enjoy the next three or four months of lucidity before I hit the last trimester (it's mostly the last six weeks that does me in) and then hold on for the foggy ride that next year will bring.
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