“He’s addicted to porn!” your friend cries to you “I just discovered it and he’s been hiding it for years!”

What would you say? How would you help?

We live in a porn-culture, and it’s becoming more and more acceptable. But the effects of porn are anything but normal.

As sisters in Christ we have to be equipped to help a friend walk this path…if it hasn’t happened to you yet, chances are it will!

First of all, we must realize that this can be a complex issue, with many layers and deep dark secrets that may surface. Avoid giving simplistic or too quick of advice. (Like: “Just submit more to his sexual advantages. You must not be giving him enough physical intimacy!”)

Second, if you are married, involve your husband. Keep him in the loop and let your friend know you are sharing what she shares with your husband. Pray for your marriage as you walk along side another couple dealing with this type of issue. 

Third, look to the bible for the way we restore a believer who is in sin. First we see, that we go to the person one on one. Maybe this is the wife confronting her husband. (Matthew 18:15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.”)

At this point your friends husband may try to shift all the blame on her, making her feel like she is going crazy for being uncomfortable with his porn issue. He may twist the whole thing and leave her feeling so confused and frustrated. Pointing her to The Truth is helpful! This can be a very painful season for your friend. Longing to believe her husband, yes knowing there is a “cancer” of sin in her marriage destroying it!

Also at this point he will either share everything or become even more defensive! What an ugly stage if he remains prideful and unbroken!

If the husband remains unrepentant the next biblical step is to take 2 or 3 more witnesses to confront her husband in his sin. (Matthew 18:16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses.)

This may still not break the power of the sin and he may remain in defensive mode. He still may being trying to shift all the blame on his wife.

However a repentant man is willing to do whatever his wife requests (counseling, therapy, accountability). He is not afraid of sharing the whole truth! He never says, “I don’t know” or “I don’t remember” when he is asked a question about his addiction! He is walking in the light of truth if he is repentant and wanting help!

So if after confronting the husband with two or three others he remains unrepentant it is at this point I’d encourage the wife to take her case to the elders of their church (if this is a friend who is plugged into a body of believers). (Matthew 18:17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.) 

We also see in 1 Corinthians 5:5 that the elders have the authority to turn someone over to satan in hopes to restore their soul. (Check out this video from John MacAurthur on this topic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2Tplkvc-Ac ) 

Now your friend, as you walk this path, may need some resources. A book she may read is, “Every Man’s Battle” and I’d recommend “The Porn Path” sermon by Mark Driscoll. She may also read: Every Heart Restored: A Wife’s Guide to Healing in the Wake of a Husband’s Sexual Sin and When Godly People do Ungodly Things.

There is also “Celebrate Recovery” a Christ-centered recovery program located in churches nationwide. Her husband would be able to meet other men who are recovering from sexual addiction! Find a group HERE!

I’d also encourage them to look for some biblical counselor. I’d highly recommend finding a counselor through The National Association of Nouthetic Counselors 

Also, if you know another woman who has walked this path then connect the two women. Or maybe you have walked through this to one level or another. Share your story and heart! If the wife is able to talk to someone who has walked through this in a God honoring way, it can encourage her and give her tools of being able to make it through this very painful experience! 

More than all of this pray! Pray for the husband to be broken of this sin and for the truth to come to light! Pray for their marriage, their children, and for God to guide you through His Spirit as you walk this path with your friend. 

I’ve asked this question: “Did you grow up in a Christian Home?” to dozens of friends over the years as I learn their story of how they came to faith in Christ.

The response to this question is normally the same:

“Well, we went to church but that was about as much ‘Christianity’ that was in our home. I didn’t see my parents live out their faith. I didn’t see them read their bibles. And going to church was just the thing to do, but didn’t really change how my parents lived.”

Oh friends, let our children NOT say this about us!

Let’s live our faith out in every area of our life! Let’s not make our faith a Sunday only thing!

If an agnostic said they were a Sunday only agnostic and every other day of the week they believed there was a God, we’d laugh!

But friends, isn’t that what we do when we go to church on Sunday, yet live the other 6 days of our lives for ourselves? 

Let us make family worship part of every day. (Family worship doesn’t have to be a big daunting task, but reading a few verses to your kids, talking about what they mean, singing a song together, and prayer!)

Let us train our kids in spiritual disciplines! Show your children what quiet time looks like, show them how you do it, help them realize and see the pure delight that comes from being in the Word daily!

Let us live in harmony with one another in the 4 walls of our house. Let us think of others above ourselves, starting with our husbands and children (or brothers and sisters).

Let us not tell our kids to do one thing, but do something else yourself. Double standards and hypocrisy will turn your children far away from the Lord!

My prayer is when the boys are older and someone asks, “Did you grow up in a Christian home?” They say, “Yes, my parents were the real deal. They loved Jesus on Sunday morning and they loved Jesus on Tuesday afternoon. They believed the Word of God and tried to obey it! They weren’t one way with one person and then another way with another person. They didn’t gossip or slander people. They weren’t critical of others who had different personal convictions than our family. They trained us in godliness and righteousness. They cared more about our hearts than our grades or sporting ability. They loved each other with a love that overflowed from their own love of God. They were always growing, never content to stop trying to be more like Christ. They read their bible every day and showed me the treasure that is in God’s Word. And most of all they laid it all down for the sake of Christ, no matter what, because they cared more about the things of God, than things of this world!”

Only through and by God’s grace will that be their answer!

You know God brings things into your life to sanctify you! To make you more like Christ! From the moment we’re justified (freely given eternal life based on nothing we do) we begin the process of progressive sanctification which will continue till Christ comes back or we die! That’s just reality! No one can escape sanctification! 

Well yesterday was one of those mommy days that challenged my sanctification!

I share this because I am a big cheerleader of VERY consistent discipline. I also believe that much of the really intense discipline is from age 18 months till 5. That’s when you, as parent, have the challenge of teaching your child who is in charge. They must learn the line of proper, God given authority! It’s KEY! But you don’t want to break their spirit. There’s a fine balance of capturing their heart, but being firm and following through. NO EMPTY words around here! If mama says it, it happens!

Well, yesterday that was challenged!

Clark is in the middle of potty training. On Saturday he decided he didn’t want to wear diapers! Great! I am all for being done with diaper duty!

In the morning he peed twice on the carpet, after pretty much staying dry Saturday till Monday. (Oh we’ve gone cold turkey, no diaper, no pull ups…just diapers at bedtime)

So an hour after he went, I said, “Let’s go into the potty and go pee.”

We went in there and he said, “I don’t want to go.”

“Let’s try!” I said

“No I don’t want to try.” he replied. 

I felt the battle begin!

I told him that he would stay in the bathroom until he went pee! Thinking that would work…HA!

He was in the bathroom (with the door open and not sitting on the toilet, but just in the bathroom) for THREE HOURS! He ate lunch in there!

Finally he said, “I am ready to go!” He climbed on the potty and went!

WOW! Three hours! It wore me out! Now if you’re not a mom you may not understand being worn out, but it felt like a battle of the wills and it mentally drained me!

But I am all about no empty words and in all honesty this was one of the hardest things to follow through on. 

Then this morning we decided to go to the park. A must around here is to go potty before we leave to go anywhere. Clark could have gone, it had been an hour or so, but he refused. I said, “If you don’t go pee, daddy will stay home with you and you don’t get to go on the surprise!” (The boys didn’t know where we were going!)

He cried, but refused to pee! Thankfully I had John to support me on this one!

So John and Clark stayed home! Again that was a super hard follow through! I wanted to enjoy a family day!

WOW he’s stubborn!

I texted John to meet us for lunch, so John told Clark to go pee and he could meet us for lunch.

Guess what!? He peed! 

So as a mom we must be consistent! Say what we mean and mean what we say!

So yes I feel like God is using this in a couple of ways…for one showing me how I look when I dig in my heels and refuse to obey and how He must feel when His children are really stubborn! I pray He uses this time to make me more like Jesus!

Anyone have any stories of times they’ve had to have really tough follow through?

Wow! Year 4 of homeschooling and honestly it only gets more fun! (Look at bottom of post to see “first day of school” for the first 3 years…amazing how little they were!)

Last year we completed our first year of My Father’s World 1st grade and I can’t say enough good things about My Father’s World! We LOVED it! It was a perfect fit for our family and totally teacher friendly!

This year Miles and Luke will both be doing My Father’s World Adventures for their core curriculum.

They both also will be doing Alpha Math-U-See. (I wish I would have done Alpha last year…oh well! No need to stress over math!)

With My Father’s World you add reading and spelling at age appropriate level. 

Miles will be doing Rod and Staff spelling and Primary Language Lessons.

Luke will finish up: Teach your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons (He became super frustrated with this and so we put it aside and waited till he was more ready). When he is finished with that we will work through: My Father’s World First Grade Student Workbook and First grade Bible reader.

Of course we’ll have lots of library days and fun adventures in the year to come!

The reason we are starting in the middle of summer is we do a 6 week on, 2 off schedule pretty much year round and then we took 8 weeks off (May/June). Plus we will be taking 3 weeks off in September, so I wanted a good amount of school under our belt before we have that long of a break!

First day!

My awesome 2nd grader!

My amazing 1st grader!

My adorable preschooler (my goal for him is shapes, colors, and potty training!)

This is our general schedule! 

After a trip to the dollar store and the library Luke and Miles came home to color, Luke worked on his American flag!

Always fun to get new markers!

Luke drew this (without being told or asked) of the USA!

First day of school 2009-2010

First day of school 2010-2011

First day of school 2011-2012

            Summer time is full of lazy pool side days, sleeping in, rest and relaxation! Right?!

            For many moms summer is being out of a normal routine: staying up late with the kids, vacations, VBS, visits from family, camp, and general busyness of nice weather and long days.

            As we try to navigate the summer months how do we stay plugged into the Word of God?  How do we stay consistent when we feel the awkwardness of an unpredictable calendar?

            First, let us let go of too high of expectations. I think often moms feel like if they don’t get at least 30 minutes of quiet time in God’s Word, then it’s not “officially” a quiet time. But moms, that is simply not the case! At times a few verses can be used to encourage or illuminate your heart in a very special way.

            Second, find a reading plan that works for you. If you think you’ll just sit down and read wherever each day, you may find less likely to read because you simply don’t know where to go in the Word. So find a passage or a book of the bible and focus on that this summer. (Make sure your summer reading plan is DOABLE! If you know you’re going to be busy then don’t tackle “reading the New Testament in 30 days! You’ll get too behind and then not feel like you should even try to keep up!)

            Third, be creative! Do you have a Kindle fire, iPod, smart phone? All of these have apps to download the bible. Some (from what I’ve heard) have reading plans you can download and check right on your phone! (I still have a stupid phone! ) Or keep a copy of God’s Word in your swim bag, your mini-van, or your go everywhere 31 Tote bag! This way, when you get time, you have the Word with you.

            Fourth, challenge yourself to be in the Word every day! (I like to challenge myself…so it may not work for all of you.) Challenge yourself not to read your summer novel until you’ve read the bible that day. Or don’t check FB until you’ve filled up on God’s Word. May work for you! I’ve challenged myself to not miss a day of reading the bible in 2012…I’ve not miss yet!

            Whatever summer looks like for you, I encourage you to stay tethered to the Word of God. I pray that being in God’s Word becomes more of a delight than a duty and this summer you’re in God’s Word every day!

            Happy Summer!

When someone comes to me wanting to know about homeschool their own children I normally say to them first, “You need to establish your philosophy of education.”

In other words, “Why do you want to homeschool? What do you hope to gain from homeschooling?”

There can be two motivations for homeschooling.

We can homeschool out of fear.

Fear driven homeschooling is very much focused on the externals that we want our kids to be sheltered from. This can look like a great reason to homeschool. But at the core: control and fear is what is driving the parents heart to homeschool. And ultimately it is pride.

A homeschooler that is driven by fear and control can be: fault finding, critical, self-righteous, quick to blame, compare themselves to others, and have a false sense that homeschooling will produce Godly children. They can feel like homeschooling is THE only way Christian parents can responsibly educate their children. 

Then there is the faith driven reason to homeschool. Which is where we feel like we’re motivated to homeschool. We feel like homeschooling is in obedience to God for our family. 

So why do we homeschool?

Before we had children John said, “I want to raise warriors for God’s kingdom.”

That is our long term vision with raising our boys.

We feel like homeschooling gives us the greatest opportunity to have intense discipleship with our boys. And this is our main reason for homeschooling. 

We hope to win their hearts, train them in the ways of God, give them selfless hearts for service to others, a grasp of the scripture at a young age, train them to be men of integrity, impart Godly wisdom and not worldly wisdom, give them a love for learning and reading, prepare them to protect and provide for wives, prepare them to be God honoring dads, prepare them to be leaders in the church, and model to them in our family and marriage the beautiful picture of the gospel.

With this as our focus we feel like the best way we can do this is through home educating our boys. 

Of course there is absolutely NO way we can do any of this apart from the grace and goodness of God. John and I are in prayer often that God will give us wisdom for us accomplish what He is asking for our family. We remain under His mighty hand, seeking His face, and relying on Him to guide and direct. 

We know that we will remain faithful, we will sow and water, but God will do the growing!

This past week motherhood has challenged my sanctification!

Training, re-training, being consistent, praying, training some more, refocusing, praying, training, and more training.

This has left me worn to the core! Tired, worn down, angry, and just want to bury my head.

Then a surprise, unexpected property tax bill, which had me in tears in the Aldi parking lot.

We’ve tried so hard to cut cost, live in a way to honor God with our money, save, not overspend. Just when we start feeling a bit ahead, this rather large jump in our property taxes.

As I reflect on the past few weeks God has been busy moving, shaping, and surprising me. He has given me the desires of my heart. He has opened new doors of ministry. He has given me health. He has blessed me with an amazing husband and marriage. He has given me these three most amazing sons!

So why do things knock me off course? 

Why does the curve ball throw me?

The curve ball is meant to keep me daily, moment by moment trusting my good, faithful, powerful God!

So that is what I’ll do….turn on a little worship music, get back into the Word, and put my focus back where it belongs…on the eternal and not temporary! 

For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison. 2 Corinthians 4:17

If you’re like us, you’ve been enjoying summer like weather in the middle of March. Of course it just gives us a taste of summer! If you’re looking for some books to put on that summer reading list, can I suggest some I’ve been reading:

Do you struggle with overeating? This book is a great book to help you understand what we should be craving. She gives practical advice in dealing with the sin of overeating!

This book has been so helpful in helping me understand emotional maturity. The author lays out 7 areas we are either emotional infants in or emotional adults. If you want to understand yourself better or if you want to have a really good tool in dealing with other people this book is for you!

Paul Tripp is one of my favorite authors. I picked up this book again and was reminded about the power of helping people in need of changing…starting with myself!

I have my copy of True Woman 101 and will be working through this 8 week bible study this summer with a group of ladies!

Have you experienced Gospel Wakefulness? Does the gospel keep you enthralled daily? Great book! 

 This book will help you with the basics of the gospel! Great for a new believer or someone who’s been in church for years!

Are you wanting to understand biblical counseling vs. Christian psychology then this is a must read! I couldn’t put this book down today!

Today I have had a good hair day!

Why does this matter to you?

Well, my sister offered to watch my three boys while I ran to Wal-Mart. I got ready and my hair turned out great! I put on make-up and a fun shirt! I felt put together…amazing!

I shopped ALONE! No kids pulling on me and my hair looked good (at least to me..okay before I sound vain most days my hair doesn’t get done. When I do my hair the boys will ask: Are we going to church? or Are you going on a date with dad? So get the idea, I don’t do my hair often!)

I have had days where I’ve shopped with three boys in tow, them pulling on me, tugging for something or fighting over something. I feel frazzled and frustrated.

Then I see a woman with no kids in her cart, her hair is done, she looks put together, she has no stains on her clothes…and I think, “That woman has got a secret…and I want to know what it is! She looks like she doesn’t have a care in the world!”

So walking around Wal-Mart today I thought, “Oh funny…I am that mom!” Of course it’s not a secret and I have cares, but know the One who carries my cares. 

Moms don’t we do this all too often? We look at other women. Maybe they are thinner than us, or they have nice hair. Maybe they are kid-free or just look like they’ve got it together. Chances are she’s got struggles, pain, frustrations, and who knows maybe is was a freak accident her hair looked so nice that day!

In 2008 I went to True Woman 2008 in Chicago. I had no idea how much that conference would radically change my life. The 3 day conference was packed full to teaching, prayer, and ended with a call to live out being God’s true woman in my life.

In 2010 I went to True Woman 2010 in Fort Worth. Again God used that conference to continue to refine me, change me, grow me, and strip me of more of myself. I left there feeling even more convicted to live out biblical womanhood in my life, in my home first and foremost! (It was going to that conference that God started the dominoes for us to start our newlywed class! So yes, picked up my life and started it on a new path!)

I am beyond excited to got to True Woman 2012 in Indianapolis September 20-22, 2012.

I want to invite you to prayerfully consider coming! The theme is: Seeking Him Together for Spiritual Awakening. You will be challenged, encouraged, and renewed! For some of you it may take a few months to pull together the resources to go, this is why I am sharing this in March. If you decide to go, let me know! I’d love to meet you!