December 8, 2011
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What To Do If Your Friend Has a Miscarriage ~
Last night a friend called and asked me how she could support a friend who just walked through a miscarriage.
I am always honored to help walk another woman through the devastation of a miscarriage and since her call I’ve been thinking of ways to support and walk along side a friend who has miscarried.
1) Don’t avoid her! Call her, stop by her house, or text her as soon as you hear about it. I had friends who reached out to me, stopped by, called and it was nice to have those reach out to me.
2) Just hug her, tell her you love her and are praying for her. Avoid saying things like, “Oh you’ll get pregnant again.” or “At least you know you can get pregnant.” or “Well if something was wrong with the baby then this is a good thing.”
3) Send her flowers
4) Send her a card with bible verses printed on 3×5 cards. Verses of hope and encouragement.
5) Pray for the peace of God to wash over her (I’ll never forget the night after the miscarriage, John and I were laying in bed and we literally felt people praying for us!!)
6) Remember the due date and send her a note or call her that day (Tomorrow, Dec. 9th was my due date 7 years ago!)
7) Don’t be scared to ask her questions down the road…I wanted to talk about my baby, it’s my baby…it’s a person that died, I wanted to talk about my loss. I wanted to talk about my dashed expectations.
8) If you go to church with her, hug her when you see her. Church was the hardest for me for about 3 months afterwards.
9) Most women I know have 1 cycle that is long, then they are late with their next cycle. Most women think they are pregnant, most aren’t…so if you’re close with her, just check in with her for a couple of months…those months before we got pregnant with Miles I was a super emotional wreak!
10) If she does get pregnant again pray for peace in her pregnancy and let her know you’re praying for peace.
11) Make a meal for her and her family
I hope these suggestions help! Many women walk through miscarriages and it’s helpful to have tools in walking side by side with a friend who has lost a child.
Comments (3)
I remember when I was about to miscarry and you called me. I don’t think I ever let you know that it really meant alot to me. =)
I wasn’t sure what to expect and you were very encouraging during a miserable time!
Many times women don’t know what to expect physically too. So it’s nice to give support that way too if needed.
It’s a very sad time, so you are right in all the advice you have given here Heather!
Hope you have a great weekend. =)
@Elizabethmarie_1 - You know Liz, I don’t remember calling you, but I remember my heart breaking when I heard your news. I am glad it was an encouragement to you! I never really new compassion till I walk through my own miscarriage.
these are great points. all of them. i’ve had two good friends suffer a miscarriage in the past six months. it’s such a sad road to walk. i remember when we lost our first baby what a HARD, hard time that was. and really… unless you’ve lost a baby, you really can’t understand. so many people seem to think that if you’ve never met the baby it just isn’t a big deal, but it IS! i’ve done my best to reach out to my friends and walk this road with them because i know how much it would have meant to me if someone would have reached out to me during that time. i mean… people tried, but none of my friends had walked the road themselves and i think it was hard for them to understand how deeply i was hurting. anyway… great post!!!