November 23, 2010

• Question

  In a comment on my last post, I received this question: "You posted about letting go of selfishness & the joy that came in serving your family as a result... I would really appreciate if you could share the steps you took to let go of that." 

  My friend was referring to an article I wrote for MOPS: Mom-Ology, where I shared my own releasing of selfishness that lead to joy in serving my family. 

  Since she posted that comment I've been pondering how it happened, what really helped me begin to release selfishness in serving my family and I really don't have all the answers (I think well seasoned moms can be more helpful), but this is what I've realized, thus far in my journey as a mom!

  I think the amount of selfishness that was in my heart, really began to hit me in the fall of 2007. I had a one year old and a two year old. Life was really physically demanding and plain o' busy with child care.

  A few things happened and I could see clearly how I would "serve" John or the boys for a payback. Like: I'll do this, so he let's me do this. Which I could see as manipulation and not really a servant's heart at all! It's not the servant heart Christ had. His service had no strings attached. He didn't serve so someone would serve Him back. 

  God also showed me the victim-hood mentality I had taken on in my mothering: Woe is me, I give and give and give and give and give to my family all day, I deserve a break or time off or something.

  This attitude was so subtle and not completely wrong. As moms, busy with kids, we DO need breaks, time off, mental downtime, however the motive of my heart wasn't a servant heart for my family. Time off is not a right of mothers, it's a privilege and as that concept began to sink deeper and deeper into my heart, joy replaced discontentment. 

  Also I found that my "time off" had to be a time of refilling my spiritual heart or it wouldn't really be refreshing. 

  Now, "what steps did I take" to do this? Having a selfless attitude in mothering takes a moment by moment choice in how we're going to respond to the tasks at hand.

  Just this morning the kitty litter box was filled to the top (this is one of John's responsibilities but he didn't do it on his normal day of cleaning it out and now his back is out, so I had to do it or it wasn't going to get done) and I had a choice. Either be annoyed and mad at John for not doing his task or clean it out and not have attitude about doing it.

  It's a moment by moment choice, as is any sin pattern we're longing to break. So I cleaned it out (man it was stinky) and when I walked on the side porch the cat and thrown up. I just laughed...I'll get to that later. 

  See that's mothering or service to my family...there's always going to be things that make us choose: selfishness or selflessness.

  When we choose selfishness we tend to be more agitated, annoyed, frustrated, interrupted, angry, vocal, and not really fun to live with. Our words become harsh, our heart become cold, our determination in self satisfaction almost over takes us, and our spiritual life suffers. 

  When I began to choose really selfless service to my family I was more content, joyful, and easier to be with. The less I tried to self satisfy the more God had a chance to show off His care for me. I mean He is my Father and like any parent He desires to give His children good gifts.

  I am not perfect, I still fight selfishness in my heart, but God has made me more aware of it and has shown me that choosing to serve without complaining is way more joyful than serving with a disgruntled heart.

  Hope that helps!

  • 9:48 am
  • 4 Comments