December 6, 2010
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Resentment
It seems like once a month (um, yes, seems like the same 28 days or so) I get this emotion that is so hard to shake. It's directed right at my husband....resentment!
I look at his "i can go anywhere, do anything, be free" attitude. No my husband doesn't go out with the guys. He's not involved in much outside of the home. He's super plugged in with the boys. He's an amazing father. He's a hard worker and provides for our family.
But this weekend he was gone all day Saturday and part of Sunday (he's in a play at church). He doesn't think twice about what time to get up to get four people ready. He doesn't have to think about getting a babysitter when he plans an outside activity. He just doesn't have to....I got it covered. There's a lot he doesn't have to think about because I have it covered.
The last two weeks (since his back went out), I've had to pick up my daily work load and his household chores. I guess I am a bit tired.
I do love being a mom, I love being a wife, I love serving my family...but I have my moments (again about once a month) where I am just so jealous of him!
Am I alone? Do other mom's feel this?
I want to shake this feeling. I don't like feeling so much resentment towards him. I find myself wanting to shut down to him emotionally. I find myself wanting him to "feel" what's it's like to have the work load I have. I have to really push through and not allow myself to have a pity party!
It's so ugly isn't it!?! It's selfish sin!
I share so that if you think I never struggle or am a perfect wife and mom always with a smile...you can clearly see I fight my own flesh and sin!
On a bright note, this really only lasts about a day or two! Phew!
Comments (3)
"I find myself wanting him to "feel" what's it's like to have the work load I have. I have to really push through and not allow myself to have a pity party!" But would you really want to switch with him and have to "feel" what it's like to have his work load? Along with the responsibility for all of you, the house, bills, etc...we each have our own load and personally I would never want to switch with Dad. Now I'm really going to make you mad and take you just a few weeks back to a trip to Ft. Worth alone and to Niles, MI. I'm trying to not be hard on you, just hoping that thinking back to those days will bring you some satisfaction. XO You are doing a great wife and mom!
@JuliePaulsen -
John often says he wishes he could stay home like me all day...so I guess,a times, we both would like to switch...but neither of us would be happy in the other persons role.
you laid it out bare, H. It's spot-on. U-G-L-Y & I'm infected with it, too!!! So nice to know I'm not alone (and you helped me adress it from the angle I was unable to see it from --resentment. I couldn't put it into real formulation [I'll blame it on twin-brain/lack of sleep STILL] until you noted that when hubbly goes someplace he never needs to set up babysitting, he just goes... I resent being that tied-down-girl every so often, too!) ahhh, refreshing to know that at those times I can focus on the GIFT of being momma and the blessing it is to be needed, and the fact that I have a purpose and a job to fulfill & without me --hubbly would be in deep doo-doo! :{ I shall be thankful and enjoy my role.
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