If only I was married…

If only I wasn’t married to this guy…

If only I wasn’t working full time…

If only I wasn’t so busy…

If only I wasn’t in this situation..

If only my pastor was like that pastor…

If only my kids were better behaved…

If only my we hadn’t done that…

If only we had done that…

If only I could lose 10 pounds…

If only my wife was less emotional…

If only my husband was more of a leader…

If only my boss wasn’t a jerk…

If only my family understood me…

If only….

Our life is full of excuses. Is an excuse ever valid? I am asking…really, is an excuse ever a valid reason to stop trusting in God? To lose faith? To doubt His work in your life?

If you’re living your life with “roof off”, no hidden sin with God, no un-confessed area of your life, and if you’re striving to live at peace with others…then should we doubt or lose faith, even if all seems at loss?

If you’re wanting to be doing something in your life, but use an excuse chances are if you had what you wanted you’d still not be doing what you want.

For example, if we weren’t so busy we’d take time for our marriage. Well, if life slowed down would taking time for your marriage be number one?

Just thinking about the lame excuses I use in my life for various reasons and in different seasons. 

What is the emotional atmosphere or climate your home? Who controls the temperature?

Often times, in the home, it’s one of the parents who controls the emotional atmosphere, and more often than not, it’s mom! As children get older one of the children can take the control of this by “acting out” or being the problem child. Therefore the whole family sorta centers around this issues and the child has control of the emotional atmosphere.

The emotional atmosphere in the home is the feelings cultivated in the home, the comfort and security or lack of those things. It’s the unspoken tension. It’s the “walking on egg shells”. Or it’s the safe, cozy feelings one gets. It’s that “soft place to fall” or “hard ground to fall on”.

This climate is not something someone can see or feel if they don’t live in the home, at least most of the time. But it’s the way the family emotionally relates and feels when it’s just the family unit or someone close enough to the family that the “real” family comes out. 

As a mom I’ve found that my emotional response or attitude effect the emotional atmosphere in our home. If I am upset, agitated, and annoyed, the boys (and John) are more likely to be short fused or agitated themselves.

There’s many ways we can control this temperature:

• By giving the silent treatment or cold shoulder. By refusing to talk about emotional issues that are effecting the family.
• By playing the “victim” role in many situations i.e.”Well, if I hadn’t experienced this.” or a “woe is me” type attitude.
• By being unpredictable in emotional outburst. When someone will explode the emotional temperature will also be edgy, just waiting for the next outburst.
• By being a bully with wanting your way. Throwing adult tantrums to make your mate or children do what you want.
• By huffing and sighing (oh I am so guilty of this one) when little things annoying you. 
• By being passive aggressive in the home. “Oh I really don’t care where we eat.” Then complaining about the restaurant choice the entire time.
• By using our tears to get our way (I am all for crying, but not manipulative tears.)
• By making fun of each other, or picking on each other and allowing one child to pick on another child.

I also think that we can control the atmosphere in a positive way. Looking to cultivate an emotionally safe home, a place where the family can “let down their hair” and feel emotionally open and protected.

How do you think we control the emotional atmosphere in our homes?

I listened to Alex and Stephen Kendrick on FamilyLife this week. They are the brothers behind the movie: Courageous. (Which we’re going to see on Saturday night with two other couples) They were talking about their own dad and one of them said something that has just replayed over and over in my mind. When talking about his dad he said that he (and their mom) lived out authentic Christian living in their home. 

Authentic Christian living modeled and lived out. 

Powerful!

Often times in parenting I think about this method or that tool. I contemplate if I am training the correct way. I doubt myself or a certain way I had a situation.

But when my sons are 40 I want them to say, “My parents lived out authentic Christian living”

So what is authentic Christian living? 

This topic has been on my radar for awhile, but heightened since having 6 little eyes watching everything I do. 

Here are a few things to me that are authentic Christian living:

• Living with the “roof off” with God. Being will to admit your mistakes and not hiding any sin from God.
• Living with the “walls down” with other people. This is so huge and I think plays itself out in many forms  1) Not holding grudges with other people, being quick to forgive others. 2) Not being critical of others and how they may do things different than how you do things  3) Serving others  4) Not speaking ill of those who are your leaders/bosses/church leaders
• Keeping a clear conscience 
• Not thinking more highly of yourself. Keeping yourself in the shadow of the cross. 
• You are the same exact person Sunday morning in Church that you are Tuesday night or Saturday night…complete consistency in who you are
• Being aware of the Holy Spirit in every moment of your life
• Actively pursing holiness, letting your kids know and see this authentic desire for purity in all areas of your life
• Prayer is not just something talked about, but something DONE! In all situations and for all things!
• The word of God is read, studied, loved, enjoyed, appreciated, and discussed in the home.
• Being humble and broken 
• Being consistent with rules
• Look for heart attitude, more than just change the action
• Caring more about the inside (heart) than the outside…car, house, clothes, external appearances or behavior
• Honoring your parents (the children’s grandparents)
• Being transparent with your kids (age appropriate)
• Having no huge family secrets
• Openly talking about feelings about emotionally painful or hard things
• Obeying the law
• Not using control or fear to get them to obey
• Not ever treating your kids like they are a bother or that they are getting in the way of you doing what you want
• Serving your family with a genuine love and selflessness
• Being hardworking
• Having complete integrity
• Husband loving their wives
• Wives respecting their husbands
• Husbands being the servant leader
• Wives joyfully submitting to that servant leadership
• Laughing together  

What would you add to this list? Or what would you take away?