November 21, 2011
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HOLIDAY STRESS!!!
Is that you? Do the holidays stress you out!?! Is it non-stop!? Is it impossible to please everyone? Does it cause tension in your marriage?
Yesterday in our newly married class we talked about holidays. I thought it was such a good, productive conversation I wanted to share the highlights, without naming names
One person’s advice dealt with how you make “relationship deposits” through the whole year. You take time throughout the entire year investing in that relationship, so the once a year holidays aren’t the only time you interact with family.
Sit down as a couple and share the top 1 or 2 events you’d like to attend. When you’re newly married you are blending in two, three or four sets of families with all their holiday, never miss, traditions. Well, it’s nearly impossible to do it all if you have that many people pulling for your attention, so pick what’s THE most important to you and fit those activities in.
Once you decide on what you’re going to do as a couple and what honors your parents (which can be very hard to balance) then let the man take the lead on passing the info on to the family. So if you decide this year you’re going to miss the “never miss” family event because it’s one too many, then let the husband tell the family. Often the women are the ones dealing with the emotional train wreak that comes with letting go of old traditions and making new ones. (And let’s face it, women take things more personal and are more emotional)
Honor your parents in this matter. It’s not all about you, but it’s not all about them. Try to find a healthy blend while honoring them.
Flip flop Christmas and Thanksgiving…one year you’re with his family on Thanksgiving, one year you’re with her family. The next, vice versa!
Be willing to deal with hurt feelings! It’s just reality! This can cause stress or you can realize that growing pains hurt and try your best to remain self-less (this doesn’t mean you won’t have boundaries) and honoring to those around you.
How do we do holidays? Well, we have both sets of family within minutes of each other. The first couple of years we split up our days to the best of our ability. But we found we were giving one family a rushed, on to the next thing John and Heather and the other side got the “we’re tired” John and Heather. So we flip flop Thanksgiving and go no where on Christmas day. Of course everyone and anyone is welcome here and we visit both sides on Christmas Eve but at this season of raising kids it works for us!
How about you? How do you handle family parties and holiday stress?
