March 21, 2011
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In response to my “Ugly Mommy Moment” post I had a few private messages or comments about yelling.
My friend said, “I thought you were going to say you yelled at your boys.”
So I thought I’d share and I know my mom would not be offended by me sharing.
I grew up with a yeller! You never knew when mom was going to fly off the handle and yell about anything.
It was awful to grow up always on egg shells, never knowing when the yell bomb was going to explode!
At age 40 my mom went to counseling and COMPLETELY changed her life! It was awesome how God used counseling to heal wounds, teach her new ways of dealing with issues, and transform our entire family. (It wasn’t overnight, but she was teachable and willing, which was amazing to experience as a teenager…yes, I was 16 or 17 at the time.)
Also as an adult I can understand why mom was a yeller, so I don’t hold it against her or even am upset she was like this. My mom is one of my best friends now!
But because I grew up with that I’ve been super, duper, extra careful to never yell at my boys. One time I ran to the basement and screamed and one other time I yelled out at the mess…but I’ve never screamed at the boys. I may have done a loud, “GRRRRR”, but that the extent of my yelling.
I do raise my voice, but not yell…there is a difference.
I think the imprint of how yelling left me feeling as a kid is so fresh, in my own memory I want to give the boys something totally different. I don’t want them nervous in their own home. This should be the safest most comfortable place here on earth for them.
If you’re a mom who yells first of all, don’t take this post as you’re an awful mom, but be encouraged. I grew up with a yeller and I turned out okay…right!? Second, see my moms example…you can change! You can put an end to yelling!
As far as my ugly mommy moment, things are better. I got some down time this weekend and just a fresh perspective of my role, my job, and my boys. Also some good teaching of Francis Chan and James MacDonald helped!
Comments (1)
Very true friend. I dislike yelling and was never a yeller until I had a loud and active little boy – and really not until he was 3 did I find myself doing more than raising my voice. The most I yelled was his name but still, I was yelling. I had to really search out why because I hated that response from myself. I realized that I was blurring the line between desiring obedience from him and discipling his heart. I had a newborn, a husband who was being pushed and pulled at work and was just flat exhausted. I’ve had to pray through this often and take deep breaths often, including being honest with him. I’ve told him that mommy is getting upset and that she needs to take a second to breathe so that I can talk to him kindly as God calls me to—or something similar. As well as every time I have yelled in the past or if I slip, I am quick to ask his forgiveness and talk to him about how sometimes mommy can make the wrong choice and God’s grace and guidance in my life. This act of asking and receiving forgiveness, even back when he was 3 has created a strong bond and such amazing teachable moments. Thank you for addressing this.