Remember when I posted “End of a Chapter???” about how God was moving John and I to a new ministry. Well, it’s been almost 3 months since we started Elevate: Raising the Bar on New Marriages. Elevate is an ABF class (we call our Sunday School classes ABF’s) with 5 young married couples and 1 other mentor couple.

The month before I was so down about Elevate. I thought, “No one is going to come, no one really wants this, why are we doing this…and on and on…” Yes it was an all out attack. Thankfully John kept me pointing in the right direction! Focusing on the fact that God was calling us to this. Focusing on how He put it all together. Focusing on the fact that it didn’t really matter the outcome, what mattered was our obedience.

Three months later my heart is so full….almost so full I don’t know how to put to words what Elevate has become, is becoming! We have these amazing young couples so teachable, open, honest, lovely, sweet, and just plain fun! They are investing their lives with each other and they want authentic community and they want to be authentic Christians…which just THRILLS ME!

The other mentor couple…well there’s no way to explain how PERFECT they are. They’ve been married 30 plus years, have kids who are married, have grandchildren, and are honest and real about their own marriage. I just love them! God knew they were essential in Elevate!

But more than that it excites me to see the couples interacting with each other. The very first week one couple said, “Well we didn’t expect…this..to happen right after we got married. We thought it would change once we were married.” To which another couple pipped up, “That same thing happened to us!” Instant connection!

Almost every week someone mentions something going on or a topic and another couple is quick to say, “Yes, us too!!” Which fosters connection on deeper levels with one another. 

Another thing that thrills me is to see the couples starting to do life together. Of course this takes time, but they are having each other over in their homes, spending more time together outside of class, and wanting to do ministry together. That’s just too cool!! 

This past week in church our pastor was talking about spiritual gifts. He said, “You know you’re using the gift you’ve been given when you think, ‘Why wouldn’t everyone want to be what we’re doing.’” Yes, I feel that way. John and I feel so spiritually full after our time with Elevate. 

So yes, this new chapter is exciting. We’re so humbled and honored that God has entrusted us to lead this ministry. All glory to Him!

I have a confession: I strongly dislike meal planning. 

For 8 years I’ve lived with a semi-picky eater, so meal planning isn’t just spaghetti (he doesn’t like that) or meatloaf (he does’t like that) or some casserole (he doesn’t like casseroles). He will eat what ever I make at least once, but those meals I just mentioned, were staples for me growing up. 

So for 8 years this is has been a source of frustration for both of us. One thing John loves is the meals planned.

He’s made suggestions over the last 8 years and every time it always felt like I was this big huge failure because none of his suggestions were easy for me or even worked well for my style. (I’ve tried the post-it-notes, 3×5 cards, rotating months of meals and other things)

I’d see other women master this whole meal planning thing and think, “That’s never going to be me!” (Esp. those women who make 1 month worth of food in one day…sorry that is just not me and I am impressed at anyone who can!)

I am sure you all, who are married, have some issue like this. Some issue that seems to go no where, but comes up for conversation every couple of months.

Normally this is the cycle…John would ask, “What’s for dinner?” Me, “I don’t know, what do you want?” John, “What do you have?” Me, “What do you want?”

Then I’d get a suggestion, “Why don’t you try to meal plan this way……”

Then I’d feel like a failure!

Well that crazy cycle had to stop and we hit that same conversation again about a week ago and finally we had a break through! John is now our official meal planner! Why didn’t we think of this years ago?! I don’t mind cooking or cleaning up….so John says, “Tomorrow night we’re going to have this, then the next night this”

Problem solved! Only took us 8 years!

I’ve been reading through this book: Entrusted with a Child’s Heart: A Biblical Study in Family Life and I believe this is one of those “must read” books by parents. One parenting book that has shaped my parenting is: Shepherding A Child’s Heart . I recommend this book to every parent, but Entrusted goes more in depth and more comprehensive than Shepherding. 

I can in no way write a good enough book review, but I just want to share some of the highlights from the book and hope to peak your interest to read it yourself (or with your spouse)!

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This ministry believes that when we strengthen one family in the Lord, we undergird the entire Body of Christ, the Church.

When we seek to be godly, in essence we are declaring our dependence upon God to help us carry out His biblical plan for our marriages and families.

Wise are the parents who clearly know their convictions and understand where they came from. They follow the core convictions that will guide their marital relationship as well as their role as parents. Those convictions make up their action plan for parenting.

When we live under biblical convictions, we teach our children what God is teaching us, that He is our Authority.

People who refuse to follow God’s ways are making trouble for themselves.

God hates hardhearted unwillingness to change.

It only takes a small shift in our way of thinking to carry us in the wrong direction.

When we keep our eyes on the Word of God, we will ignore the counterfeits the world offers.

Do you desire to be a godly wife and mother, a godly husband and father? How much time do you actually spend keeping the Lord’s face to make sure it happens? It doesn’t happen by just wishing for it.

People who are walking with the Lord want to know if they are off track.

The Christian life is more about abundant life in Christ, not about restricted lifestyle.

Living without biblical convictions is really telling God that we know more about what is right than He does.

We each need to develop our own personal convictions. We don’t judge others of their personal convictions. Our personal convictions must never cause discord among fellow believers.

Don’t wait for life to get easier before establishing life disciplines because it will not happen.

Work towards oneness.

Marital roles do not mean that we are not capable of doing more, it is just not God’s ultimate plan for how a family best operates.

Our homes are not to be child-centered, but Christ-centered.

Goal for a mom is to keep her thumb on the pulse of her household.

When our priorities are not in order, we live from crisis to crisis.

I recently heard an organization specialist report that 2/3 of American families live in chaos.

God tells us we cannot maintain a life of order on the exterior if we are not ordered on the interior of our hearts.

Pride is the root cause to almost every marital problem.

Working on marriage without addressing the order of our hearts is like  the home that gives a makeover and sloppy people move back in.

The father sets the spiritual tone of the home, the mother sets the emotional tone.

  

(I’ll add more later…but this is just a teaser…hoping some of you get the book as well!)

Is that you? Do the holidays stress you out!?! Is it non-stop!? Is it impossible to please everyone? Does it cause tension in your marriage?

Yesterday in our newly married class we talked about holidays. I thought it was such a good, productive conversation I wanted to share the highlights, without naming names

One person’s advice dealt with how you make “relationship deposits” through the whole year. You take time throughout the entire year investing in that relationship, so the once a year holidays aren’t the only time you interact with family.

Sit down as a couple and share the top 1 or 2 events you’d like to attend. When you’re newly married you are blending in two, three or four sets of families with all their holiday, never miss, traditions. Well, it’s nearly impossible to do it all if you have that many people pulling for your attention, so pick what’s THE most important to you and fit those activities in.

Once you decide on what you’re going to do as a couple and what honors your parents (which can be very hard to balance) then let the man take the lead on passing the info on to the family. So if you decide this year you’re going to miss the “never miss” family event because it’s one too many, then let the husband tell the family. Often the women are the ones dealing with the emotional train wreak that comes with letting go of old traditions and making new ones. (And let’s face it, women take things more personal and are more emotional)

Honor your parents in this matter. It’s not all about you, but it’s not all about them. Try to find a healthy blend while honoring them.

Flip flop Christmas and Thanksgiving…one year you’re with his family on Thanksgiving, one year you’re with her family. The next, vice versa! 

Be willing to deal with hurt feelings! It’s just reality! This can cause stress or you can realize that growing pains hurt and try your best to remain self-less (this doesn’t mean you won’t have boundaries) and honoring to those around you. 

How do we do holidays? Well, we have both sets of family within minutes of each other. The first couple of years we split up our days to the best of our ability. But we found we were giving one family a rushed, on to the next thing John and Heather and the other side got the “we’re tired” John and Heather. So we flip flop Thanksgiving and go no where on Christmas day. Of course everyone and anyone is welcome here and we visit both sides on Christmas Eve but at this season of raising kids it works for us!

How about you? How do you handle family parties and holiday stress?

The Word of God has a lot to say about hospitality:

1 Peter4:9 Show hospitality to one another without grumbling

Hebrews 13:2 Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.

Romans 12:13 Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality

1 Timothy 5:10 And having a reputation for good works: if she has brought up children, has shown hospitality, has washed the feet of the saints, has cared for the afflicted, and has devoted herself to every good work

And there’s many more verses

But why in our churches don’t we practice more hospitality?

Are we more worried about clean houses, than this biblical command?

Are we more worried about impressing people with fancy meals, than this biblical command?

Are we too busy to take time to fulfill this biblical command?

Have we not been trained in hospitality?

I grew up in a church that was awesome at hospitality! People were always having other people over. It wasn’t uncommon for us to be with our church family all day on Sunday and through out the week. I miss that! I would love to challenge you in 2012 to have at least one family, couple or single person over every other month! So this is my challenge! Would anyone be interested in taking this “hospitality” challenge? Let’s get intentional about hospitality!

I realized that I’ve never shown the boys how to get on their knees and pray.

Honestly it’s not something I do that often. I wish I could say I do it every morning. God’s working on me!

Last night I received a message from a friend with some deep, thought provoking questions. I replied as best I could, but then told her I was headed on my knees to pray for her. It’s not that comfortable getting on my knees. My ankles started to hurt, I had to shift my weight…but I cried out to God on behalf of this sister of mine, realizing this temporal uncomfortable feeling is nothing compared to the pain my Savior felt on the cross. 

It was then I realized, “The boys need to know we have to get on our knees before God.”

But they won’t see that modeled in me. I mean, like I said, getting on my knees isn’t a daily event around here. God’s Spirit was speaking to me.

So this morning the boys were wrestling and the wrestling match turned to more aggressive than Miles wanted and he got upset, Luke got upset, and Clark of course joined in.

Right there as the two big boys were going back and forth I said, “Boys get on your knees with mommy.” 

They had no idea what we were doing, but we held hands and prayed for the fruits of the Spirit in their life. We asked God to makes us “Team Patenaude” that would honor Him. We asked God to make our day honor Him, be Christ-centered and Holy Spirit filled.

This wasn’t a “wow mom this is great” moment, it was more an awkward step of obedience for me. 

When the boys are teenagers I want them to know mom’s first response was getting on her knees to pray, if we don’t start now it will even be more awkward when they’re 15 and 16!

In the book “Entrusted With the Heart of A Child” she lays out biblical convictions and personal convictions. Often times we cling to our personal convictions and demand others to fit our mold. We judge others whose personal convictions differ from us. 

She lays out examples of biblical convictions and I wanted to share (She says this list is not exhaustive, but a place to start):

• We reap what we sow (Gal. 6:7-8; Romans 14:12; 1 Cor. 5:10)
• Choose to sin, choose to suffer (Isaiah 8:9-21, Jer. 43 &44)
• Honor your parents (Eph. 6:2, Ex. 20:12)
• Do not kill (Ex. 20:13, Ex. 23:7)
• Do not lie, cheat, steal, deceive (Lev. 19:11, Prov. 19:5)
• Do not become unequally yoked (2 Cot 6:14-15, Malachi 2:12-16)
• Honor God with your full tithe (Ezekiel 44:30, Malachi 3:9-10, Neh. 13:10-12)
• Discipline your children according to the biblical model (Hebrews 12:7)
• Submit to your husband (Eph. 5:22-24, Col. 3:18, 1 Peter 3:1)
• Love your wife (Eph. 5:25)
• Be involved in ministry (Eph 2:10, Eph. 4:11, Matt. 28: 19-20)
• Share the gospel (2 Cor. 5:18-20, Acts 1:8)
• Memorize Scripture (Ps. 119: 9-11, Joshua 1:8)
• Be grateful (Eph 5:19-20, Col. 2:6)
• Do not read horoscopes or listen to psychics (Col. 2:8-10, Isa. 47, Jer. 10:2-4)
• Pray, believing God answers (Col. 4:2, Hebrews 11:6, James 5:16-18)
• Train your children to glorify God (3 John 4, Isaiah 54:13)
• Look out for others (Phil. 2:4, Hebrews 3:13, Romans 12:15)
• Be generous (2 Cor. 9:7, 1 Tim. 6:18)
• Be forgiving (Eph. 4:23, Matt. 18:21-22)
• Do not demand your rights (1 Peter 3:13-16, 1 Peter 5:5)
• Study God’s word; know how to use it accurately (Acts 18:25, 2 Tim. 2:15)
• Fellowship with other believers (Hebrews 10: 24-25, 1 John 1:3)
• Suffer for the cause of Christ (2 Cor. 1:5-7. Phil, 1:27-30, 3:7-10, James 1:2)
• Worship God alone (Phil. 2:9-11, Col. 1:15-18)
• Remember the Sabbath (Hebrews 4:9-10)
• Choose Friends carefully (James 4:4, 1 Cor. 15:33-34, Ps. 119:63)
• Do no defile your body (Romans 12:1-2, 1 Cor. 3:16-17)
• Do not make a promise and then break it (Matt 5:37, Ecc. 5:5)
• Do not be lazy (2 Thess. 3:10, Prov. 24: 33-34)
• Leave vengeance to God (Hebrews 10:30-31, Prov. 24:29)
• Become like Christ (Eph. 4:14-15, Phil. 2:12-12, 1 John 2:6)

My weight loss has slowed way down….super slow weight loss. 

I am not giving up or throwing in the towel, but I realized I need to change my focus. I often think about that number on the scale. It’s about 23 pounds from where I want it to be. BUT about 8 months ago I said, “If you would have told me a year ago I’d weight (insert the weight I was) I would be super excited”

I am 13 pounds less than that now! 

How do you stop, enjoy the journey and not get frustrated?

Yesterday I reminded myself, “Heather if someone would have told you 18 months ago you’d weigh (insert the weight I am now) I’d be doing the happy dance! You would not have believed them! You would have been beyond excited!!”

So I am going to be intentional to embrace the number on the scale, knowing that the embrace doesn’t mean I am done or I am giving up, but I am just going to enjoy the journey. It may take me another year to lose 23 pounds, but along this journey I am enjoying life, living, and keep my focus on Christ for my strength! 

(For anyone new to my blog in 2 years I’ve lost 66 pounds, 55 of that on Weight Watchers)

We all have spiritual blind spots. Let’s face it, our hearts are deceitful! The more I think about these blind spots…the more I simply do not want them in my life!

We’re getting intentional about being in relationships with people who will point these blind spots out to us. It may not be pretty, but I’ll tell you this, it will be satisfying. 

Less of me, more of Christ. Less of my sin, more glory to God! 

How about you? Are you open to let a close friend put pressure on your spiritual blind spots?

This past weekend I went to Revive 11, a True Woman conference for ministry leaders, bible teachers… basically any woman in ministry to other women. God opened doors and made it possible for me to go. There’s much I could say about my weekend….lots to process.

I know I have a lot of moms who read my blog and I stumbled across this AMAZING resources at Revive 11: Entrusted With a Child’s Heart: A Biblical Study in Family Life. I feel like this book is a must have for families striving to live God exalted, Christ-centered, and Holy Spirit filled lives! It will give you a solid Christ-centered approach to family life.

It’s a 16 chapter book that is packed full and I mean PACKED full of wisdom and application! 

Of course studying family life with a biblical perspective is a passion of mine, so this book speaks right to my heart, but as we navigate the culture we all live in, this book will serve as a practical guide and resource for every family: couples with no kids or families with children. This book is meant to be read as a couple, with discussion questions and even commitments to agree upon together and sign and date.