I've been camped in the book of the book of Titus for the last week or so. Do you know that in chapter 2 there is a description of older men and women and also younger men and women? On those four lists there's only one quality that we all should be striving towards: self-control. (Actually it's the ONLY thing young men should be working on!!)

I heard a talk about 4 years ago that gave the statistic that some 50% or more of young people raised in a church are walking away from the faith before 25. Some websites say that stat is more 80%. Regardless of what the stat is, I've seen it in my own years of being part of a church family. There are many young adults who have nothing to do with church or faith. 

As a mom this stat is a bit...well scary!

The only thing I can take to heaven with me is my kids. I want my children (and my grandchildren) with me in heaven for all eternity. (What Christian mom doesn't have that desire?) So as a mom I've thought about what is it that parents do or don't do to foster a desire and unquenchable thirst for God? 

This question has lead me to think of my own childhood. My parents have three daughters and all three of us are walking with the Lord. We're all striving to raise our children for the glory of God and we all have personal relationships with our Lord. 

Some of the things that I felt my parents did to foster a love of God and faith in me was they lived transparent lives before me. They confessed sins and walk openly before us girls. I think seeing an authentic, real person behind their faith helped me see God's grace and love.

Also, my parents were/are students of the Word of God. My dad, for as long as I can remember, has a quiet time each and every morning. I know they pray together every morning. Not only do they read the Word, but they study the Word. This helped me see the importance of knowing the Word of God myself.

Finally I believe one of the biggest things my parents did that John and I strive to do, is not be hypocritical. Maybe walking honestly and not being hypocritical go hand and hand. But I believe if kids see their parents at church one way, then the parents have a huge fight on the way home from church, it will effect how the children view faith and God. So we strive to walk the talk. We live out what we say. We don't have hidden secrets or sins. We are the same people at church on Sunday that we are Tuesday afternoon at the park. We are ever growing, pursing, and living honestly before our kids.

So what do you think parents do to help their children keep their faith beyond highschool?

Tis the season to be busy...fa la la la la, la la la la!

Should it be? Should we really be so busy? What fills our calendars? What keeps us so busy?

Before becoming a mom I knew that I'd have to be very intentional about keeping out lives not packed full of activities. So far, it's been fairly easy to maintain a pretty low key calendar. But I've been told it gets harder the older the boys get.

I have tried to keep these simple guidelines in our calendar:

1) Try to only plan one major activity per weekend. 

2) Have at least 2 days a week where we stay home and not run errands 

3) Only have the boys in one extra activity (this past spring it was music class) per semester

4) Maintain good naptime schedules for the boys. (The big boys have rest time while Clark sleeps)

5) Try to not be out past 2 pm during the weekdays

6) Keep a good bedtime schedule 

7) Spend the holidays with just one side of the family and flip flop years or holidays between families (this is a tough one, but makes the holidays much more enjoyable when we're not running off to the next family event)

8) During December avoid adding anything extra to our calendars because we'll be busy enough with church and family commitments

9) Leave plenty of margins in our day, week, month, year to allow God to show us what we should be doing

10) Limit my speaking engagements to two per month (although lately this hasn't been an issue...which is great for this season of life!)

11) Make sure to talk through outside commitments before we make them...Does this fit our vision? How will it work out? Do we need childcare? Is it responsible at this time to do this activity?

 

I know that all of these things fit our lifestyle and our personalties. My sister, for example, loves holidays that are packed from 7 am to midnight and she loves going to different houses throughout the day. But for us, it's weighing and overwhelming to do that. 

What are ways you have stepped off the busyness train?

In a comment on my last post, I received this question: "You posted about letting go of selfishness & the joy that came in serving your family as a result... I would really appreciate if you could share the steps you took to let go of that." 

My friend was referring to an article I wrote for MOPS: Mom-Ology, where I shared my own releasing of selfishness that lead to joy in serving my family. 

Since she posted that comment I've been pondering how it happened, what really helped me begin to release selfishness in serving my family and I really don't have all the answers (I think well seasoned moms can be more helpful), but this is what I've realized, thus far in my journey as a mom!

I think the amount of selfishness that was in my heart, really began to hit me in the fall of 2007. I had a one year old and a two year old. Life was really physically demanding and plain o' busy with child care.

A few things happened and I could see clearly how I would "serve" John or the boys for a payback. Like: I'll do this, so he let's me do this. Which I could see as manipulation and not really a servant's heart at all! It's not the servant heart Christ had. His service had no strings attached. He didn't serve so someone would serve Him back. 

God also showed me the victim-hood mentality I had taken on in my mothering: Woe is me, I give and give and give and give and give to my family all day, I deserve a break or time off or something.

This attitude was so subtle and not completely wrong. As moms, busy with kids, we DO need breaks, time off, mental downtime, however the motive of my heart wasn't a servant heart for my family. Time off is not a right of mothers, it's a privilege and as that concept began to sink deeper and deeper into my heart, joy replaced discontentment. 

Also I found that my "time off" had to be a time of refilling my spiritual heart or it wouldn't really be refreshing. 

Now, "what steps did I take" to do this? Having a selfless attitude in mothering takes a moment by moment choice in how we're going to respond to the tasks at hand.

Just this morning the kitty litter box was filled to the top (this is one of John's responsibilities but he didn't do it on his normal day of cleaning it out and now his back is out, so I had to do it or it wasn't going to get done) and I had a choice. Either be annoyed and mad at John for not doing his task or clean it out and not have attitude about doing it.

It's a moment by moment choice, as is any sin pattern we're longing to break. So I cleaned it out (man it was stinky) and when I walked on the side porch the cat and thrown up. I just laughed...I'll get to that later. 

See that's mothering or service to my family...there's always going to be things that make us choose: selfishness or selflessness.

When we choose selfishness we tend to be more agitated, annoyed, frustrated, interrupted, angry, vocal, and not really fun to live with. Our words become harsh, our heart become cold, our determination in self satisfaction almost over takes us, and our spiritual life suffers. 

When I began to choose really selfless service to my family I was more content, joyful, and easier to be with. The less I tried to self satisfy the more God had a chance to show off His care for me. I mean He is my Father and like any parent He desires to give His children good gifts.

I am not perfect, I still fight selfishness in my heart, but God has made me more aware of it and has shown me that choosing to serve without complaining is way more joyful than serving with a disgruntled heart.

Hope that helps!

I don't know how to explain this, but lately I feel like God is pressing in on me is such a wonderful, delightful way! Maybe it's that my brain is coming back from being pregnant, nursing and lack of sleep. I am sleeping through the night (most nights), my brain isn't as baby fried, and I feel open and ready to grow.

I've also made some serious bible time a high priority in my life. Not just a nibble here or there, but chunks of time to dig deeper and to listen to some teachings on the Word. 

There's times I wish all seasons of my life were like this, but then I may just be on overload. 

A couple of the main things God is impressing on me and my heart is the need for self-control in my life. Today I read the book of Titus and self-control(led) is mentioned 5 times. All as things that should be an out flow of the work of God in our lives. 

Being self-controlled in my thoughts, actions, reactions, words, temperament, eating, passions, desires, wants, interactions, my attitude, and in almost every area of my life...this is what God's flashlight is exposing. I see how I brush off my impulsive nature as my right or as my hormones. But as I've asked God to release the excuses I can even see more clearly how much I lack self-control.

It's exciting when God start peeling away another layer, painful, but exciting. 

I also, as I've mentioned, have started being very intentional about some quality bible time. I find the more in read, the more thirsty I am for the Word, so I read more and then I want more and so on and so on. 

One other area I feel the Spirit working on is just my general attitude about my home. This is my calling, I am not "just" a mom and wife...this is a high calling and I must live and act like that! 

Another thing I felt convicted to do was share my personal testimony and if you'd like to read it you can hop over to my other blog: www.emotionalpurity.blogspot.com That has been freeing, scary, humbling, and pure obedience. 

So yes this post doesn't flow...but that's been my brain lately. Guess I am on overload, in a good way!

Today when I read through the 3 chapters of the book of Titus I wrote down all the qualities that describe a believer and those of a non-believer...I filled 3 1/2 pages for the believer and 1 page for the non-believer! That was eye-opening! Here Paul was writing Titus as he was establishing churches in Crete and the book is filled with those qualities all of us should strive towards!

Well...that's what's in my brain lately. How about you? How's God growing you?

 

Birth to 9 months old: One Big Blur

Yes, it's just one big blur those first 9 months of each of my boys. My hormones are all over the place and I was operating on very little sleep. It's hard to remember those times because it all went fast, yet it was emotionally draining.

9 months to 2 years old: Non-stop busy and disciplining 

Busy, busy, busy! The boys learn how to be mobile during this stage. They are into everything and are learning the boundaries, which is where the intense disciplining comes into play. This is a tough stage because that intense discipling can be exhausting, but rewarding in the following stage. (I keep reminding myself of this with Clark because we're fully in this stage!) I believe if you don't do it at this stage, you'll pay for it down the road. But that's just my thoughts...nothing has been tested or proven. 

3 to....not sure where this ends because we're still in it...Training and Educating stage

I love this stage with the big boys. It's not discipling them for their own safety sake, but more character training. Of course homeschooling lends itself to more education, but even if they went to school this stage would be a lot of educating as well. 

So seasoned moms...what comes next?

 In the 60’s feminists used a process of “consciousness raising” to gather women together, talk about their problems, and stir a rebel against men or the establishment. Their goal was to make women feel connected to other women in their issues or problems.

 

Mom-ology

 

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit,

but with humility of mind regard one

another as more important than yourselves

Philippians 2:3

 

          Being a new mom I clearly remember a season of feeling totally overwhelmed at all the demands these two little people required of me.  It seemed at every corner, in every moment, and in each minuet action they demanded me….all of me. It became almost suffocating.

            Can you relate? Have you gotten to the end of the day worn out from the million and one things your kids needed from you! It can be one of the most challenging aspects to motherhood.

 

The S Word

            When I stepped back to really look at where this frustration was stemmed from, I realized it had nothing to do with my boys (or my husband) but my selfish tendencies.

            Basically, I wasn’t getting my way. I wasn’t doing what I wanted to do. I wasn’t able to be as free as I wanted to be. I was, in a nutshell, being extremely selfish.  It was in that season I realized that being a fulfilled mother and being a selfish mother, did not go hand and hand. I had a choice: 1) cling to my selfish tendencies and be annoyed and frustrated 90% of the day, or 2) Accept the fact that during this season the more I purged selfishness from my heart the more content I’d be.

True Joy

            Through a process I choose the second option. Only in God’s grace and strength, I began to see those “selfish” moments for what they really were and took steps towards “doing nothing from selfishness”. God began to show me how to put my husband and children above my own desires and wants.

            Two things came from this conscience choice to lay aside my demands: 1) I found real joy in being with my children and serving my family. And 2) It seemed the more I laid aside my desires, the more my husband tried to step in. It was as if God said, “Here let me give you those desires and wants.”

            I guess I was like a two year old that needed correction and when I bended my will, my Heavenly Father was able to provide for me in ways I could not have imagined.

 

 

 

The other day my sister and I were chatting and she made a comment about feeling a bit insecure about the prospect of homeschooling her three young sons.

I said, "Oh yes, I remember feeling that!"

She said, "Really, you felt insecure!? You come across all put together and that you never struggle."

Oh, I laughed!

Yes, I may not always talk about my doubts and insecurities on my blog, but I have those same feelings. I am a mom just like the rest of you! She then said, "You should write about it."

So here it goes, in case anyone else thinks I have my life put together and never struggle! (that just makes me laugh) 

SEASONS

One of the first times I remember being way overwhelmed in mothering was when Miles was about 9 months old and it felt like it was non-stop busy. I called my friend Lori and remember just telling her that it was getting to be a lot of work and not very easy!

Not sure I remember her exact words, but she said something about it passing quickly, which sure didn't feel like it when I was in the middle of all that work! But she was right, it did pass quickly.

The busyness of age 9 months till about 3 can be pretty intense, but it does pass quickly and you move on to new phases, that are less physically demanding.

THE BIG BLUR

When Luke turned about 10 months old I realized that the past year had been one big blur! I also realized that when you're pregnant and breastfeeding your brain doesn't really work the same way...so for about 2 1/2 years my brain and my life was one big blur!

Whenever I talked to moms who have two close in age (Miles and Luke are 15 months apart), I always say the same thing, "The first 9 or 10 months will be a big blur!" 

I felt like I was operating at 50% of my normal self. I felt like that feeling was never going to end. I felt overwhelmed, exhausted (I only had one full night of sleep between Miles and Luke), and like I was just barely surviving! 

Then that season passed! Quickly! I'll never forget the day that I felt normal again. When John got home for work I said, "I feel like the old Heather is back."

So with my third pregnancy, I figured: okay, for the next 18 months my brain won't function normally, my life will be a blur and it will pass quickly! Which it has!

When I shared this with Lesli I said, "Think about how little I've blogged during this season? Just recently I've come back to my old self and can think clearly again." 

HOMESCHOOLING

Then I remember feeling very overwhelmed at the thought of homeschool...I mean how could I really do this!?!

That "panicked" phone call was to my mom, a fellow homeschool and well seasoned mother. She just laughed and said, "Oh Heather, really! You'll be fine!"

Once I jumped into homeschooling with both feet I realized those were just fears and were unfounded! God has given me everything I need to homeschool and He'll continue to give me what I need in each season of mothering. (Of course I'll have to remind myself of this in the months and years ahead!)

REALIZATION 

I also had two key realizations:

1) I realized that motherhood is filled with seasons, lots of little seasons and they do pass!

2) If I was going to enjoy being a mom I had to embrace all that each of those seasons brought. I had to be very intentional about not being selfish or complaining, but enjoy each of the challenges that come along.

God doesn't give us more than we can handle and during those moments of doubt and insecurity, I must remember He's right beside me, guiding me, and caring for my needs! He's a good Dad!

One week ago I got home from True Woman Fort Worth. I am spending more time on my emotional purity blog detailing the sessions, my take always, and other things from that weekend. But I thought I'd just share a few of my notes.

____________________________________________________________

In mentoring other women (As Titus 2 calls older women to do) we must help them biblically navigate through life issues.

Whatever is contagious in our life will be caught.

We must share from our "hall of shame" and be willing to be transparent with other women.

We should never want to stop growing in our faith.

Be intentional in targeting the younger generation on biblical womanhood.

80% of all our problems are misplaced expectations.

The world (culture) is not neutral, we must have a biblical anchor.

Worldliness is a celebration of self.

Wrong thinking leads to wrong behavior.

A true woman is tethered to God's Word and it governs our actions, emotions, and thinking.

What the world needs most is Christians who live out what they claim to believe.

We must have character before calling, life before ministry.

Allow our hearts to be broken by what breaks God's heart.

The way I live will have a greater impact on my husband, children, and church.

Are we sacrificing our children to the idol of self.

A wise woman trusts in the peace of Christ.

Trials our are chance to shine for Jesus.

In trials we want to get out from under the pressure, but we must remain under to be "perfect, complete and lacking nothing".

Wildness in our hearts warps our view of biblical womanhood. Makes me get it wrong in my: attitude, desires, conduct, and how I relate to others.

Wildness is a rejection of God's authority.

Often women do what they're not called to do, so they're too tried to do what they are called to do.

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Again this is just a taste of what I am expanding on in posts on my other blog. Of course I am taking a few weeks to unpack all I heard and learned. God has given me a couple of homework assignments that may take a year or more to get through, but I am excited at what I learned and how this will make a difference in my life!