Mom-ology

Expectations

Am I now trying to win the approval

of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men?

If I were still trying to please men,

I would not be a servant of Christ

Galatians 1:10

            We bring many things to our role as moms. We bring our past, our experiences, our ideas, and our passions. I think one thing we bring to mothering that often gets overlooked, or our own expectations.

            We expect mothering to be different than it really is (for most of us) and walking through mothering with the weight of preconceived ideas can be overwhelming and really unnecessary.

Expectations

            On Facebook I asked my mom friends to share what were some of their expectations before they had kids, here are a few of their responses: I would never yell or I would never argue with my child. That it would be easy, blissful and idealistic or that my house would always be clean. That I would never be THAT mom with the screaming child at the store or that I would always know the right thing to do.

            Can you relate? I am sure you can think of a few yourselves. Yes, we walk into our role as moms with a lot of high expectations.

Giving yourself Grace

            Recently a mom wrote me and she was looking for some advice. Through the whole letter I saw how she was “letting herself down” by not living up to what she felt she should be doing. She wasn’t fulfilling her expectations of mothering and she was being way too hard on herself.

            The more we feel like we have to live up to those preconceived ideas of motherhood, the more we’ll frustrate ourselves and our families. We’ve got to give ourselves grace, cut some slack, and stop comparing ourselves to our other, more “put together” fellow mommies! (Chances are they aren’t as “put together” as you think they are! )

Realistic Expectations

            Once you identify your own unrealistic expectations you’ve carried into mothering, you can start replacing those with realistic expectations. The more you live with honest expectations; the more peace and joy in you’ll experience in your home.

            Motherhood is tough enough, we don’t need to make it worse by “beating ourselves us” with unmet, unrealistic expectations.

I leave on Thursday for the True Woman (www.truewoman.com) Conference in Ft. Worth Texas.

If you’d like to keep up with the conference (like my mom or best friend…I’m not so vain I think the whole world wants to keep up with my conference), check out their twitter page (you don’t need to sign up for Twitter to see their updates) www.twitter.com/truewoman

 I may update my twitter page, unless I feel like it’s consuming me! www.twitter.com/emotionalpurity

You could also keep up with the conference on their facebook page! True Woman Movement Facebook Page

Thanks for your prayers!

John took a picture of Clark on the bottom of our pantry and when I downloaded the pictures I was like, “WOW…that’s MESSY!” I will tell you I organize my pantry about every 4 to 6 months. I guess it’s time.

(I’m only posting this to go along with my “Confessions of a Real Mom” post. Others felt encouraged to know they were not alone as moms and I know I am not alone here, right?!?)

September 11…strange…9 years ago. Many blog, facebook status, tweets will post about this…but I just look back and think, “Where have 9 years gone?”

We were packing up to move to a new town on that day. Me and my sisters were all single and in our upper 20′s. We figured we were never getting married, so my parents bought this lovely home with an upstairs apartment for the three of us to live there till we were old and gray. (My sister met her husband 3 months after we moved in )

Here 9 years later my parents are packing up and moving out of that big house and into a two bedroom ranch. They are doing some MAJOR downsizing!

Strange.

Nine years ago there were 5 of us, now there are 18 of us. Eight adults and10 kids age 7 and under!

Nine years from now I’ll be the mom of a 10, 13 and 14 year old! I’ll be married 16 years! Who knows where else we’ll be in nine years.

I think that’s even more strange!

Oh how time flies….sigh!

*Edit* I hope no one is offended that I didn’t post about the actual events of that day 9 years ago. Yes, I remember where I was, what I was doing, my feelings and emotions. Just with this passing day made me realize seriously how fast time flies!

This year MOPS is using the theme “Mom-ology”. I’ve been asked by my local MOPS group to write monthly articles for the newsletter. I thought I’d post them here as well. So the 2nd Wednesday of the month I’ll post my article in hopes that it can encourage other moms!

Mom-ology

For where your treasure is,

there your heart will be also

Luke 12:34

Lately this phrase has been going over and over in my head: Motherhood is not for the faint of heart. As we each face the daily challenges of mothering we can feel overwhelmed, joyful, exhausted, content, annoyed, and pretty much any emotion in between.

  This year MOPS will be looking at the art and science of mothering: Mom-ology! We’ll break apart some of the key elements in mothering and examine them more closely in the months to come. But let’s start at the core of mothering, our hearts.

Where is your heart?

Some of you may have dreamed of being a mom since you were a little girl playing dolls and motherhood is fulfilling the greatest calling in your life. Others of you may have not given much thought to being a mom, either you’d be one or not, you were pretty much in different. Then finally, maybe the thought of being a mom just didn’t fit who you were and you could hardly fathom motherhood.

Regardless of your feelings about mothering when you were younger, you’re a mom now and you’re plowing through the daily tasks mothering requires of you, but where is your heart?

If our hearts are turned away from our husbands, our children, our homes and God, mothering (and being a wife) could be a daunting task. We’ll experience frustration more than joy. We may never be content with where we are right now, thus will miss all that mothering can bring into our lives and for the lives of our children.

Heart Focus

Focusing our hearts on the task of mothering will require intentionality; it won’t come naturally, even to those of us who dreamed of being mom’s since we were little girls! Putting our hearts fully on the task of mothering is intense and, at times, uncomfortable. But, the reward is great!

Ask almost any mom of grown children, who fully gave her heart to being a mom, if she regrets putting all her energy and heart into motherhood. Chances are she’ll tell you that it all goes entirely too fast and to enjoy each season that mothering brings.

Being a mom of a preschooler is a short season. I read on a blog once, “The years are fast, but the days are long.” So true, but having our hearts fully present in mothering will make those long days a bit more bearable!

No mom is perfect; no mom has it all together. Here are my confessions!

Confessions of a Real Mom:

1)      I don’t have a clean kitchen every night before bed

2)      My boys are allowed to watch movies when I need to get something done

3)      I don’t wake up each morning with a song in my heart…most days it takes coffee to get me going

4)      My laundry is not always folded and put away

5)      I don’t make my kids eat at the table for every meal, sometimes they get to watch a movie when they eat.

6)      My upstairs bathroom is very rarely really clean…like company clean…ya know what I mean

7)      Actually my entire upstairs is very rarely company clean

8)      I never make my bed, well in the morning that is, I make it before I get in it each night

9)      We have an entire room we call our “junk drawer”, catch all room! It’s a constant work in progress

10)  There are days my kitchen floor is so sticky, I am afraid I might stick to it

11)   I really don’t like planning meals

12)   I really don’t like to cook

13)   I can’t remember the time I baked something from scratch

14)   I really don’t like the mess of crafts or play doh

15)   There are days were it’s BEAUTIFUL outside, and I make no effort to take my    kids outside.

16)   My quiet times are like nibbling on God’s word and I can’t remember the last time I had a long, quiet time with God.

17)   Normally during rest/nap time I just want to surf around the internet and do mindless activities

18)   If you flipped my couch over who knows what you’d find!

19)   I don’t use pj’s for the big boys…they sleep in the clothes they wear the next day

20)   I feed my kids junk food from time to time

21)   I don’t drink organic milk

22)   Our downstairs bathroom has been in the process of being remodeled for over 3 years.

23)   I go shopping for my downtime (at least it’s coupon shopping, that makes the budget happy)

24)   There are some days when I forget to brush my teeth

So there it is ladies! I know I am not alone and I hope you can relate!

Have a great day!

 Recently I was asked what were some of the “homeschool” type activities I did with Miles and Luke when they were 2. As we got talking I thought of all the things we tried and did and thought I’d share…please feel free to add in the comments! I love hearing what others do/did!

• Of course lots of reading books
• I bought these large plastic screws and let the boys work on those fine motor skills

• I also bought some large wooded beads for them to string, again working on those fine motor skills

I got the beads and screws from Oriental Trading.

• Of course I did lots of playdates and park dates with the boys, letting them run, jump and work on large motor skills. We also have a play slide and mini trampoline that the boys would play on for hours. (Esp. in the winter!)
• A sandbox is also another great outdoor tool for discovery and play.
• I also made up 12×12 A,B,C signs out of poster board. The boys would play with these and we’d go over them together. I had a capital letter and a small letter on each one, for example: A a, B b, C c…and so on. These would get played with a lot, actually Luke still will pull them out and quiz himself.
• I also took some thin, colored, foam and cut them in all different shapes: circles, squares, oval…etc. I tell you the boys played with these a lot. I’d also play with them and show them : Green Circle, Blue Heart…ect.
• I labeled thing in house: door, clock, wall…etc.
• We’d play the “put a clothes pin in a milk jug” game. It again, helps with fine motor skills.
• I also had a letter of the week, I think we did this when Miles was three. I started with A and we’d paste A pictures to that 12×12 poster board. By the end of the year my kitchen cabinets were full of the ABC.
• We had/have a “dress up” bin. Most of our dress up clothes were bought after halloween on clearance.
• Of course we did lots of coloring, crafts and painting.
• We bought flashcards at Target. Right now they still have a ton in the $1 section. They loved to carry them around looking at the pictures.
• We worked on bible verses with the boys, easy, simple verses they could learn.
• Of course we loved family field trip days to the zoo, indoor play grounds, children museums, museums, and more museums…etc.
• Even if it was more work, we tried to include the boys in projects and we still try to have them help us where they can.
• I tired to not stress over messes and let the boys be creative

How about you…what did you do?

Growing up my dad and mom always called me and my sisters: ”young ladies”.

I am so glad this was the nickname they chose to give us three as we grew up. They never called us divas or little princesses or brats. They never used derogatory terms and they called us by the name that they hoped we’d become: young ladies.

The other day I called Luke my “little man”. To which he replied that he’s not a little man. I said, “Well, that’s what mommy wants you to become, a little man and eventually a grown man.”

I am thankful for the wisdom of my parents! I pray my boys become men, so I will always call them my “little men” or “young men”. They’ll catch on!

Recently I was talking to another mom about the view of motherhood in our culture. The thought of motherhood equaling victim-hood was discussed. The thought that we’re trapped in mothering!

We may not recognize it and I have a hard time seeing it in myself, but at times do we/I view motherhood as a state of victim-hood?

Yes, our kids are going to wear us thin. They will test every boundary and challenge every aspect of our life. But are we victims to them or motherhood?

Victims, as described by an online dictionary is: “an unfortunate person who suffers from some adverse circumstance”.

Adverse is: “opposed to one’s interests”

So are we suffering from being put in a circumstance where we’re not getting our way! Sometimes as mom’s that’s what we’re called to do…be selfless! Okay, not sometimes, ALL the time!

Do moms need breaks? You bet we do, but it’s not because we’re victims to our kids or in a state of victim-hood.

We need breaks away with The One who will fill us up and keep us going. The One who will pour on us grace. The One who will give us a clear perspective of what we’re doing and why. The One who will remind us that love is: patient, kind, selfless, doesn’t boast. The One who will remind us that as we walk in the Spirit we will be filled with: gentleness, self-control, peace, joy, goodness, patience and kindness.

We need daily breaks with The One who will give us all we need to sustain us in these years of mothering.

The more we see our children as “getting in our way of our time”, the more we are going to despise them. They’ll see that hypocrisy in our life. They’ll see it as clear as one can. Children have an unbelievable ability to see hypocrisy in their parents!

So, fellow moms, today enjoy your kids. Put aside any selfish tendencies and you’ll discover a joy that is like none other!

Again, motherhood is not for the faint of heart!

This week my boys have all been sick, fevers, sore throats and Clark was throwing up. It’s been a bit bumpy, but not so bad. I had nothing, other than school, on my calendar this week, so that worked out nicely!

Today was Clark’s worst day and I spent the better half of my day holding him. It was actually so wonderful! I realized it made me slow down. I sat on my lazy-boy chair with him, rocking him, talking to him and cuddling him pretty much all afternoon. I also had a chance to listen to Voddie Baucham on Revive our Hearts from earlier this week.

My mom had mentioned that it was good, but normally I don’t carve out time to just sit and listen to it, but holding Clark all day gave me a chance to listen to both of his talks.

Here are the links: God Uses Mature Christian Men and Women in Your Life and Mature Woman and Godly, Manly Elders

It stirred in my heart and thoughts something that I’ve prayed for in my own life for years and that is to become a mature, Godly, Christian woman. I pray that I seek these types of women and become one in the years to come.

If you have time, I’d suggest reading or listening to these.