Last night Paul Tripp was on DesiringGod.com talking about a new DVD curriculum he has called: Getting to the Heart of Parenting. (DesiringGod.com is awesome about uploading most of their special interviews…so check their site in a week or two if you’d like to watch the full hour and a half)

Paul and Tedd Tripp have influenced my parenting more than any other speaker or author!

I took 12 pages of notes! Guess we should go through the curriculum!

These are my notes…hope they are helpful! I know, even today, I noticed differences in the tone and questions I used with the boys.

 

Family:

Daily Learning Center: children are to learn what you are to do and who you are to be.

Church doesn’t replace family, but equips family.

Must talk much about God. Be intentional. 

Family is a theological community. (study of God Family)

If you want your child to understand life, relationships, work…everything has to be looked at through knowing God.

Teach biblical worldview, takes place in the context of family.

It should be weird to not talk about God all the time.

We should always be pointing our children to the stunning glory of God.

Teach our kids a God awareness, an awe of God.

If we don’t live in awe of God we are handicap in life.

We don’t do worship, we are worshipers. 

We are always worshiping something, giving our heart to something. 

The most powerful idol is self….I want the world to do my bidding!

Children fight authority because of worship of self.

God uses family to help us teach our kids to “love neighbor”.

Teach God’s love through family.

When the children learn God standard, they “break” under it because they are unable to live up to it, which is a beautiful thing. Then they can learn grace.

DNA of sin is selfishness. 

Expose the sin of self, don’t allow it, they “break” under the frustration of not getting their way.

Family is a redemptive community. 

Our kids need to sense their need for God.

They must learn explicit God-centeredness. 

Children have to learn how to represent God and be His instrument. 

Family must have a culture of grace. 

Children need to know that their parents understand the struggle of selfishness. Walk along side them in sanctification. 

Parents aren’t just law announces and law enforcers, but weep/struggle along side child.

Outside change is not what we need. 

Our behavior is caused by what’s inside/our hearts.

“Apple Nailing” Taking a tree that produces bad fruit and nailing good fruit, won’t produce more good fruit.

If we don’t get at the heart (selfishness, worship of self) we’ll never get good fruit.

Three things we do to have quick behavioral change:

1) Threat: get behavioral change, but no heart change

2) Manipulate: if you do this, you’ll get this. This fuels love of self.

3) Guilt

Under system of “behavioral control” children adopt parents “faith”, not true faith.

True change only takes place when we have: Confession, repentance, and faith. 

Our job is to help them see themselves for what they really are.

Ask 5 questions:

1) What was going on?

2) What were you thinking or feeling as it was going on?

3) What did you do in response?

4) Why did you do what you did, what were you hoping would happen?

5) What was the result?

You’re forming a way of thinking in your child. You should have thousands of these conversations with them over the years.

We try to have $100 conversations with 10 cents worth of time. Slow down, have margins to have these conversations and training. 

It helps them see the motives of their heart and themselves accurately.

When they see themselves accurately, it makes them uncomfortable and we train them to turn to God 

Parenting is careful wisdom, instruction and grace.

We must adjust mindset in discipline. Make sure we’re not disciplining out of selfishness or frustration.

When someone gets in our face with yelling correction it makes our inner lawyer come out, same with kids. 

When we discipline out of frustration we:

1) Take moments of ministry and turn them into moments of anger

2) We make it personal and about us

3) We’re adversarial in our response, me against them

We settle for quick solutions that don’t change the heart. 

 

Three stages of parenting:

Birth to 5

Key focus- teach them a God ward focus, to live under authority and teach submission.

1) Children are sinners, they are the center of their world, they live for self

They buy into the lies of self-centeredness, no need for help. 

2) We don’t live in a world that is without authority. So there are consequences for coming out under the authority structure. 

Parents represent God’s authority in this stage. 

We live in a closed world, we’re always under authority. There’s no way to escape that. 

Authority gives life. 

Hardwired to live under authority.

Won’t happen if children don’t learn submission to authority, happens in this stage.

Purpose of discipline is a rescue mission and restoration to the authority. 

When they obey, they live in safety. 

If disciple is ugly and abusive they won’t see it as God intends authority to be: safe and beautiful.

The nature of a Christian home is what the children will see. We do certain things because we are under God’s authority. We show them our behavior is because we’re under His authority. 

Must have consistency, and not an ever changing set of rules 

They should be able to expect what will happen tomorrow because we live under authority.

(if you’re looking for nuts and bolts of training Tedd Tripp’s book: Sheparding a Child’s Heart is just what you need to apply these truths)

 

Character Training ages 6 to 12

Not every wrong is rebellion…but may revel a lack of character. May revel self-centeredness that needs to be corrected

Must get at what controls their heart.

Ask three questions:

1) What were you thinking?

2) Let’s talk about it?

3) What should you have been thinking?

Not just a conversation, but we’re looking for a transformation of heart

Tools of character development:

Instruction

Correction

Tready/Pleading

Rebuke

We must do parenting sitting down, calm, and thought out

Come along side to help them with heart diagnosis

Takes time, not quick, slow life down to change heart

 

Age 13-19

Help teen make values their own and make decisions on own and suffer natural consequences while still under the safety of parents.

They need to internalize God’s will, way and His standard

Give child ability to make choices

Talk about issues of the heart, often

Opportunities are in the messiness of life

Three types of relationship at this stage:

1) preventative:  child is compliant, we have access to their heart, teach them to take ownership of faith and values. 

2) Corrective: child is kicking against boundaries, but they are still teachable

3) Protective: child is a rebel, fighting against everything and everyone to be their own boss. May have to protect child from self.

There’s two mentalities we must teach our teens:

1) Harvest mentality, cause and effect, reap what you sow mentality, help them make connections of current behavior to future consequences. 

2) Treasure or investment mentalities. Teach them what they spend their time and heart energy into, is what they are investing in. Help them name and see what is valuable.   

 

Does anyone else feel like 2011 has been a weird year?

I do!

Earthquakes

Tsunamis

Broken Relationship

Unexpected Divorces

Sudden Deaths

Tornado’s

Freak Accidents

Strange conflicts with people you’d never expect it with

Estrange families

People losing faith

Exposed sin that is shocking

 

It’s almost as if the world is groaning.

Am I alone in feeling this way? Has this been a weird year for anyone else so far?

 

Yesterday on the radio they were talking about the wedding dress of Kate Middleton. They were speculating about who made the dress and what it was going to look like. They said they knew one thing, “Her arms will be covered because Royalty demands modesty.”

Yes, royalty demands modesty.  

As Christian women we are daughters of The King, we are Royalty. We should be setting the standard of modesty, not stoop to the world standards. We should be distinctly different!

I hope others take notice of her beautiful dress and the simply way she honored her position as the new Duchess and maybe one day the Queen. 

I also hope wedding dress designers take notice that not all brides want to wear strapless, which is pretty much all you find if you go wedding dress shopping. They need to give brides a choice. (Although you can have a wedding dress alter to make it “chapel ready” which would add straps or sleeves to a dress.)

Let’s hope that Kate’s dress sets a new standard in Wedding Dresses! 

Last night I had this overwhelming, suffocating feeling when I went into the boys room. They had pulled most of their stuffed animals and toys out and their room was an explosion of toys!

Stuff! Stuff! Stuff!

I feel like I try so hard to live a simple life. I give away as much as I can. I try to buy as little as possible. If the boys have more clothes than fit in their dresser, I give it away. But still the stuff piles up!

So today I was focused! Time to purge! (it’s like an every three month thing around here)

Out of the boys room went 2 trash bags, 2 give away bags and a save bag.

Out of the play room, another trash bag, another give away bad, and another save bag. 

When I took the “save” bags down in the basement I realized how much STUFF we have down there. Why am I even saving these bags of “stuff”.

So I started piling up items to see how much we’d have if we decide to have a garage sale. 

Tonight half of my front porch is filled with STUFF! 

As I ponder this quest for simplicity I wondering: should we challenge ourselves to a “bring nothing into the house but food” for a month or two. Maybe even 6 months!

But what about birthdays? Could we really buy nothing extra for a month or two? 

Hum….I’ll have to see what John thinks!

I think if we went a month or two (or even longer) with buying nothing extra we may see how much we don’t need the stuff we would have thought we needed in the first place. Sigh…

A friend on Facebook posted about this book: 

Organized Simplicity: The Clutter-Free Approach to Intentional Living

John put a hold on it at the library. Maybe it will have some answers to my quest for a simplified life!

Think of your favorite sports team. Get a picture of them in your mind. Now imagine that they are having the BEST year ever! They’ve won almost every game and they’re unbelievable! 

Now imagine if someone gave you front row tickets to the championship game!

What would you do?

How would you behave if you were at the game?

Would you dress up?

Would you cheer so loud that you’d lose your voice?

Would you jump up and down?

Would you dance around at each score?

Would you spend a week reading the paper and listening to sports radio to get ready?

Would you talk to all your friends about this game?

Would you go to sleep thinking about it and wake up thinking about it?

Or

Would you say, “Really front row…that’s too close!”

Really, cheering, no..why would I cheer…what would people around me think.

Yawn…didn’t they play last week, do we really have to go?

What…3 hours, no way, I am not staying 3 hours. 

You want me to wear my jersey, no thanks. 

Don’t tell anyone we’re going!!

Raise my arms at a score…those people are silly!

 

See friends we’re all created to worship.

But what do we worship?

Some worship sports teams more than Jesus.

Some worship their family more than Jesus.

Some worship their sex life more than Jesus.

Some worship their dreams more than Jesus.

Some worship their career more than Jesus.

Some worship their stuff more than Jesus.

Some worship their coffee more than Jesus.

Some worship the earth more than Jesus.

Some worship their ego and reputation more than Jesus.

Some worship their un-forgivingness more than Jesus.

 

What do you worship?

What gets you excited?

Going to church or going to your favorite sporting event?

Friends, transfer that worship to Jesus, there’s nothing better!

 

Mark Driscoll taught: Who is Jesus? watch the video and if you have questions I’d be happy to answer!

 

To the unbeliever I understand how foolish being a Christian must seem.

I believe a virgin got pregnant by the Holy Spirit of God.

I believe this child lived a perfect, sinless life.

I believe this man Jesus healed people. 

I believe this man raised people from the dead.

I believe this man only had an earthly ministry for 3 years.

I believe this man was fully man and fully God.

I believe He was beaten, tortured, and crucified because the religious leaders thought He was a blasphemer. 

I believe when He died the earth shook, the sky turned dark, and the veil in the temple was torn top to bottom.

I believe He rose from the dead and showed Himself to over 500 people before he ascended into Heaven.

I believe He’s coming back.

My belief effects every aspect of my life.

My faith in Jesus brings me joy that this world could not offer.

My faith in Jesus has radical changed my life.

Yes, foolishness. I get that, but what if I am right? What if Christ is The Way, The Truth and The Life? 

How would that change your life?

 I’ve been going to church since I was about 4 days old. I’ve read the bible…well a few times cover to cover and try to read it at least once a day, but this just JUMPED out at me this morning as I was reading about the events of Good Friday:

Matt 27:51 At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook, the rocks split 52 and the tombs broke open. The bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life. 53 They came out of the tombs after Jesus’ resurrection and went into the holy city and appeared to many people. 

WHAT!? “The bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life”

Just think of that weekend: the sky turned dark, the earth shook, the veil was torn top to bottom…and dead people were raised to life!?

Who?

David? Moses? Daniel? Who?

What would an unbeliever have thought?

What did Barbabas think?

What did those who killed Jesus think?

Did this happen on Sunday? 

When did they go back to heaven? With Jesus? 

What do you think about this? Anyone ever heard a sermon on this passage? Anyone ever studied? I’d appreciate your thoughts!

This year for Holy Week we’ve been taking the whole week to prepare the boys for what is happening this weekend. I got these poster boards from Oriental Trading  (http://www.orientaltrading.com/holy-week-learning-charts-a2-62_9532-12-1.fltr?Ntt=holy+week)

What an honor to walk my sons through this Holy Week. A year ago neither of them had Christ in their hearts, so to share with them this year has been just awesome and powerful. They do have a love for Christ that is such precious child like faith. 

The charts have been helpful for each day sharing with the boys the last week of Christ’ life here on earth during family devotions.

For Christians this weekend is the only reason we’re believers. If they found Christ’s bones, I’d not be a believer. It’s the most important day of our faith. Christ died an awful death on the cross and rose on Sunday morning! We have to go through Friday to get to Sunday. You can have resurrection without death. 

A few years ago the thought hit me during passion week. The suffering of Christ went far beyond the physical pain of being whipped, wearing a crown of thorns, and nailed to a cross. His suffering was also the weight of the wrath of God. God turning His back on His Son to bear the fully weight of all our sins, past, present and future.

No one can even fathom the suffering of God’s wrath. There are no words to describe it. The pain must have been utterly unbelievable. It would be (weak analogy but some what helpful for our finite brains) like having all our skin removed from our body. We don’t notice the covering of our skin, but without it, we’d be in utter pain! This was what Christ felt without the covering of His Father.

But our Savior did that for me, for you, for those who believe. How thankful, oh that sounds like such a petty word, how humbled, grateful, amazed, awe struck, ashamed, sad, repentant, joyful, hopeful, and sobered I am by this act of love by my Holy Savior.

What Lord can I do for you to show you how thankful I am for your grace!? Teach me full obedience and trust that makes me look weak in this world. For You alone I breath and live!

How Deep the Father’s Love for Us song is a powerful reminder of His love!

 

As many of you know I am on a weight loss journey that started…well, officially started in June of last year. Honestly I had been “trying” to lose weight since Oct. 2009, with little too no success.

Losing weight has been more of a spiritual journey than a physical one and it’s hard to put into words, but I hope to encourage others with my post.

When I was in an overeating cycle it was a free for all. I just “didn’t think about it”. I ate whatever, whenever I wanted to. If I was happy, I ate. If I was sad, I ate. If I was mad, I ate. If the boys were driving me crazy, I ate. Food was my comfort. Food was my friend. Food was a constant. These cycles could continue on for weeks and months!

I have tried weight loss bible studies that encourage eating within hunger and full, running to God when you’re not physically hungry…yes, it worked, but there was so much guilt and condemnation associated with this method to weight loss. One bite past full left me feeling like a spiritual failure. 

I don’t know hunger or full very well. I’ve over-ridden it so often that they are not sensations I am too familiar with. Now to you “thin eaters” (people who naturally eat within hunger and full) that may sound crazy to eat when you’re not hungry, but to those of us who use food as a crutch you know what I mean.

When I joined Weight Watchers it was almost like a final plea. I didn’t tell too many people because I’ve “broadcasted” my diets before and felt pressure that people were “watching” and then I felt like a failure when I didn’t lose weight. 

Right away I felt like WW gave me tools, it gave me boundaries, and it showed me how much “fuel” my body actually needs to function each day. I could still eat “normal” foods, just couldn’t eat out of control.

Yes, it gave me a “law” and a set of rules that have helped me see self-control through the Spirit in my life. 

As the issue of food became less “center stage” in my life God started showing me other areas where I desperately lack self-control. It has been amazing to see the spiritual transformation with each pound I lose. 

As I read the bible I have seen living self-controlled is a central theme. In Titus it is the only, the ONLY, quality that Paul encourages Titus to teach older men, younger men, older women, and younger women. It’s a fruit of the Spirit. 

I am thankful for the work God has done in my life these past 10 months. I am still on the journey and I am still seeking and asking God to show me other areas that need to be under His full control. 

My prayer is that this post is an encouragement to you!

I’ve lost 47.4 pounds on WW (almost 57 from Oct. 2009) and here’s a picture I created last week:

Mom-Ology 

I can do all things through Him who strengths me

Philippians 4:13

  

In these tiring days of wiping noses, cleaning up messes, being on the brink of exhaustion, and acting more like a ref than a mom some days, how do we stay spiritually satisfied?

As moms of preschoolers there should be a sense of urgency to keep ourselves spiritually full each day. If we have a bent towards spiritual matters our kids will have a bent towards spiritual matters. Also, if we’re to be raising up this generation of kids it’s best we go to The Book to find out how to! But how does that practically work itself out each day?

I hope these practical tips will help you as grow spiritually as a mom of preschoolers!

 

1)  Don’t compare how other mom’s do it. When I hear of a mom who gets up an hour before her kids to do her bible time, I sigh, “I’d have to get up at 5 am and honestly I need sleep!” This doesn’t work for my schedule or with my kids.

2) Find the best time to get some time in God’s Word. We should try to get at least 15 minutes a day reading God’s Word. Now before you lament that you don’t even have 15 minutes, look at what you do: Do you watch TV, surf the Internet, or look at random profiles of friends on Facebook? I am sure if we all got real honest with ourselves we can find 15 minutes.

3) Find some verses that really minister to your heart, write them out on 3×5 cards and post them where you spend most of your time: kitchen, car, bathroom, laundry room, or carry them in your diaper bag.

4) Leave bibles around your house where you spend time nursing, cooking a meal, or in your car. Having the Word around will give you more of a chance to grab a quick spiritual snack.

5) When you do get some “time off”, use some of that time of concentrated and quality time reading God’s Word. This has proven to be some of the most spiritually awesome times for me!

6) Get accountable with another mom. One great idea is to text a friend “check” each day after you’ve read. For me, there’s a group of gals on Facebook I “check” in with each day after reading.

7) It doesn’t have to be overwhelming, just read the Proverbs of the day. So the 6^th of the month read Proverbs 6. Or pick a passage of scripture and read it every day for a month or two. (I’ve been in the Sermon on the Mount, Matthew 5 – 7 nearly every day since Jan 1) You’ll be amazed at how much you are fed just by reading and re-reading the same passage!

8) Subscribe to a podcast of your favorite teacher (Can I suggest: Walk in the Word, Revive our Hearts or FamilyLife Today) and while you’re folding laundry or playing a game on Facebook you can turn on a sermon to be encouraged.

9) If you have time join a bible study. This may require more of a time commitment, but would provide accountability and some life on life mentoring you may need in this season of life.

10)  Relax! There are no rules on how you do your “bible time”. Ask the Holy Spirit to show you what works for you!  And remember we only do this “through Christ who strengthens” us!

 

I hope you’re encouraged by one of these tips and I hope that you continue in your daily bible time or find time to get started!