This past weekend I went to Revive 11, a True Woman conference for ministry leaders, bible teachers… basically any woman in ministry to other women. God opened doors and made it possible for me to go. There’s much I could say about my weekend….lots to process.

I know I have a lot of moms who read my blog and I stumbled across this AMAZING resources at Revive 11: Entrusted With a Child’s Heart: A Biblical Study in Family Life. I feel like this book is a must have for families striving to live God exalted, Christ-centered, and Holy Spirit filled lives! It will give you a solid Christ-centered approach to family life.

It’s a 16 chapter book that is packed full and I mean PACKED full of wisdom and application! 

Of course studying family life with a biblical perspective is a passion of mine, so this book speaks right to my heart, but as we navigate the culture we all live in, this book will serve as a practical guide and resource for every family: couples with no kids or families with children. This book is meant to be read as a couple, with discussion questions and even commitments to agree upon together and sign and date. 

If only I was married…

If only I wasn’t married to this guy…

If only I wasn’t working full time…

If only I wasn’t so busy…

If only I wasn’t in this situation..

If only my pastor was like that pastor…

If only my kids were better behaved…

If only my we hadn’t done that…

If only we had done that…

If only I could lose 10 pounds…

If only my wife was less emotional…

If only my husband was more of a leader…

If only my boss wasn’t a jerk…

If only my family understood me…

If only….

Our life is full of excuses. Is an excuse ever valid? I am asking…really, is an excuse ever a valid reason to stop trusting in God? To lose faith? To doubt His work in your life?

If you’re living your life with “roof off”, no hidden sin with God, no un-confessed area of your life, and if you’re striving to live at peace with others…then should we doubt or lose faith, even if all seems at loss?

If you’re wanting to be doing something in your life, but use an excuse chances are if you had what you wanted you’d still not be doing what you want.

For example, if we weren’t so busy we’d take time for our marriage. Well, if life slowed down would taking time for your marriage be number one?

Just thinking about the lame excuses I use in my life for various reasons and in different seasons. 

What is the emotional atmosphere or climate your home? Who controls the temperature?

Often times, in the home, it’s one of the parents who controls the emotional atmosphere, and more often than not, it’s mom! As children get older one of the children can take the control of this by “acting out” or being the problem child. Therefore the whole family sorta centers around this issues and the child has control of the emotional atmosphere.

The emotional atmosphere in the home is the feelings cultivated in the home, the comfort and security or lack of those things. It’s the unspoken tension. It’s the “walking on egg shells”. Or it’s the safe, cozy feelings one gets. It’s that “soft place to fall” or “hard ground to fall on”.

This climate is not something someone can see or feel if they don’t live in the home, at least most of the time. But it’s the way the family emotionally relates and feels when it’s just the family unit or someone close enough to the family that the “real” family comes out. 

As a mom I’ve found that my emotional response or attitude effect the emotional atmosphere in our home. If I am upset, agitated, and annoyed, the boys (and John) are more likely to be short fused or agitated themselves.

There’s many ways we can control this temperature:

• By giving the silent treatment or cold shoulder. By refusing to talk about emotional issues that are effecting the family.
• By playing the “victim” role in many situations i.e.”Well, if I hadn’t experienced this.” or a “woe is me” type attitude.
• By being unpredictable in emotional outburst. When someone will explode the emotional temperature will also be edgy, just waiting for the next outburst.
• By being a bully with wanting your way. Throwing adult tantrums to make your mate or children do what you want.
• By huffing and sighing (oh I am so guilty of this one) when little things annoying you. 
• By being passive aggressive in the home. “Oh I really don’t care where we eat.” Then complaining about the restaurant choice the entire time.
• By using our tears to get our way (I am all for crying, but not manipulative tears.)
• By making fun of each other, or picking on each other and allowing one child to pick on another child.

I also think that we can control the atmosphere in a positive way. Looking to cultivate an emotionally safe home, a place where the family can “let down their hair” and feel emotionally open and protected.

How do you think we control the emotional atmosphere in our homes?

I listened to Alex and Stephen Kendrick on FamilyLife this week. They are the brothers behind the movie: Courageous. (Which we’re going to see on Saturday night with two other couples) They were talking about their own dad and one of them said something that has just replayed over and over in my mind. When talking about his dad he said that he (and their mom) lived out authentic Christian living in their home. 

Authentic Christian living modeled and lived out. 

Powerful!

Often times in parenting I think about this method or that tool. I contemplate if I am training the correct way. I doubt myself or a certain way I had a situation.

But when my sons are 40 I want them to say, “My parents lived out authentic Christian living”

So what is authentic Christian living? 

This topic has been on my radar for awhile, but heightened since having 6 little eyes watching everything I do. 

Here are a few things to me that are authentic Christian living:

• Living with the “roof off” with God. Being will to admit your mistakes and not hiding any sin from God.
• Living with the “walls down” with other people. This is so huge and I think plays itself out in many forms  1) Not holding grudges with other people, being quick to forgive others. 2) Not being critical of others and how they may do things different than how you do things  3) Serving others  4) Not speaking ill of those who are your leaders/bosses/church leaders
• Keeping a clear conscience 
• Not thinking more highly of yourself. Keeping yourself in the shadow of the cross. 
• You are the same exact person Sunday morning in Church that you are Tuesday night or Saturday night…complete consistency in who you are
• Being aware of the Holy Spirit in every moment of your life
• Actively pursing holiness, letting your kids know and see this authentic desire for purity in all areas of your life
• Prayer is not just something talked about, but something DONE! In all situations and for all things!
• The word of God is read, studied, loved, enjoyed, appreciated, and discussed in the home.
• Being humble and broken 
• Being consistent with rules
• Look for heart attitude, more than just change the action
• Caring more about the inside (heart) than the outside…car, house, clothes, external appearances or behavior
• Honoring your parents (the children’s grandparents)
• Being transparent with your kids (age appropriate)
• Having no huge family secrets
• Openly talking about feelings about emotionally painful or hard things
• Obeying the law
• Not using control or fear to get them to obey
• Not ever treating your kids like they are a bother or that they are getting in the way of you doing what you want
• Serving your family with a genuine love and selflessness
• Being hardworking
• Having complete integrity
• Husband loving their wives
• Wives respecting their husbands
• Husbands being the servant leader
• Wives joyfully submitting to that servant leadership
• Laughing together  

What would you add to this list? Or what would you take away?

I was reminded this morning about the pregnant/1 year “mommy fog”. Do you know what I am talking about?

In March 2004 I got pregnant, miscarried in May, got pregnant with Miles in July, gave birth in April, got pregnant in November to Luke, gave birth in July of 2005.

When Luke turned 1, in July 2006…nearly two and a half years of being pregnant, nursing, having a baby…I remember telling John one day, “The old Heather is back.”

I felt like a fog had cleared. A fog I had no idea I was in. But I could think again. My hormones seemed more balanced and controlled. 

I wasn’t expecting for all the hormonal changes to last for a full year. I never experienced with Miles because I was pregnant again before he turned 1.

Now, let me say that I am thankful to have my first two so close and actually John and I always encourage having two close. See, it’s what we’ve experienced and we loved it…so we tell new parents that number 2 becomes an instant playmate for number 1 and that has just been a blessing in our family. Even as the years go on, the friendship between Miles and Luke is precious and we are watching Clark work his way into the duo. 

So I don’t say this to discourage close babies or to even complain about it…just to encourage other moms who may have never had that one year “hey I feel back to normal” experience.

I know a few moms who have had two, three or four babies close together, they have not come out of the fog and may not even realize they are still in that fog. Be encouraged, you’re not going crazy, you’re normal! Cut yourself slack! Give yourself grace! This will pass…all too quickly! Find some close girlfriends who’ve walked ahead of you. Vent to them. Share your heart with them. 

Of course share with your husband, but at times we have no idea what we’re really even feeling or thinking, we’re just sad, frustrated, short-fused, numb, blank, tired, and a bit overwhelmed. He may just want to fix it, which is how men are wired…but since we really have no idea what’s going on he’s unable to help, thus he gets frustrated. You’re frustrated, he’s frustrated….not good for the marriage. This is where a girlfriend can just listen and say, “It’s normal! I’ve been there, you will survive. You may not thrive, but you will survive!”

With Clark I was a bit more prepared. I knew it was okay that I couldn’t think clearly. I look back at my blogs during that year and I didn’t blog much because my brain just couldn’t think. Also, with John I didn’t expect to have spiritual or emotional growth during this time. I knew the fog (and lack of sleep) would just allow me to survive. I’d seek out thriving after that year ended. It gave me peace and took away some of my frustrating because I could put to words what was going on. “Hey this fog is thick today…brain will work again in a few months.”

So be encouraged new mommy’s, the fog will clear! 

If you’re child is 5 or so and you’re looking for some resources, let me tell you what my favorite three resources are!

Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons  This is what I am working through with Luke and he’s already starting to read basic books and words! Very exciting!

Letter Factory By LeapFrog This is what got Miles started down the path of reading! Love this DVD! We still watch it about 1 time a week. Even Clark is catching on! (as much as a two year old can!)

Alphablocks on BBC This is an awesome website to teach the sounds of letters and the rules of reading! LOVE this website!!

Watching your kids learn to read, to catch that, is priceless! Their whole world opens up!

What are your favorite resources in teaching reading?

I wish I was immune to comparing myself to others. But I am not!

Just last night I watched a video of a kid Miles’ age and I thought, “Well, I am failing him at school because he’s not nearly where this kid is!”

Then I caught myself, “I am where God wants me in my mothering, in our school, in our family, in ministry, and in our home.” Peace rules my heart. Without a doubt, at this point in my life, I am where God wants me. 

Why do we, esp. us moms, compare? What competition are we in anyway?

My standard is Christ. My blueprint is the Word. My goal is to completely glorify God in all I do, say, behave, think and mother my boys.

Someone else’s priority shouldn’t be my standard. 

How about you, do you find yourself looking to someone else’s blueprint or God’s?

This morning I was cuddled next to the most sweet two year old boy. His little body perfectly “spooned” next to mine. I could head his heart and the sound of his breath. He laid so sweet, sleeping next to me. How I love my sons! How I treasure each moment with them. How fast time goes and how sad it makes me to think of the years when our nest is empty.

As I laid with him I thought, (okay this is going to sound morbid, but it’s not meant to) “What if God took me to heaven, do I trust Him with my boys?”

When ever John and I talk about the “what ifs” in life, the one thing that weighs on us the greatest is our boys: who would raise them, who would love them like us, who would train them with our vision, who would be their “mom”?

As I laid there with Clark next to me, I thought, “Do I really trust God with my boys?” “Yes” was my heart answer. I pray for the chance to raise my sons, to watch them marry and be dads…but if God’s plan is to take me sooner, then He will gentle care for them. He knows what’s best.

Last night I watched the live stream of the Desiring God conference. Louis Giglio showed a picture, and in this small snippet of the galaxy was 10,000 galaxies…10,000!!! All the size of ours! 10,000! How do you even wrap your brain around that?

With that thought in my mind, I laid there with Clark sleeping so peacefully next to me, and realized that this God that spoke all those galaxies into existence, cares for me, cares for my sons, and no matter what life brings my way, He’s in control. And in that I will fully rest.

How sweet it is to trust in Jesus! What peace that rushes over us. How in the world do people get by without Him! Praise His holy name!

I’ll never forget a conversation John and I had before we had any children.

He said to me, “I just want to raise warriors for God’s kingdom.”

Gives me chills now to think about that call John put on our lives. 

6 1/2 year into parenting, 6 1/2 years into our attempt to raise warriors for God and I am overwhelmed at how radical that statement is. How radically we’ve had to flush that out in our lives.

We’ve been extremely intentional in how we’ve raised our boys so far. But I know that no human effort will produce boys who fight for God’s army. Only through God’s grace and mercy will our boys follow whole heartily after God. 

John and I have been made very aware of how the boys will see how we walk our faith. Sure we can be one way at church or with church friends, but the boys will see if we’re not living that life in the privacy of our homes. We’ve been made hyper-sensitive to our words, our actions, our responses to each other and to our boys. They are watching everything. Do they see Jesus in me?

We also pray for our boys. More like crying out to God, begging God to give us wisdom and help as we raise them. 

Our prayer for them has always been, “God give them wisdom beyond their years and the ability to stand up under peer pressure.” I know being God’s warriors will make them extremely counter cultural. 

This concept has altered choices we have made in our life. These choices are counter cultural. The longer we’re on this path, the more we know that God has this call on our lives and we humbling walk in obedience to the things He’s asked us to do.

We’ve tried to fix our gaze upon Jesus in parenting. Look at His sacrifice and selflessness, His death to self. Oh the joy that comes with following Jesus, even when it makes us uncomfortable! 

Seasons moms: what advice do you have in raising warriors for God’s kingdom?

O Lord, You have searched me and know me. You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path. Psalms 139: 1-3

What are you doing to cultivate a heart for holiness? Answer the following questions to help you assess which of the means of grace you are actively using and which ones you may be neglecting in your pursuit of holiness:

• Am I getting a steady, sufficient intake of the Word into my life?
• How has the Word protected me from sin in the past month?
• Am I getting more input from worldly sources or from the Word of God?
• When was the last time I consciously confessed my sin to God?
• Have I committed any sins that I have no confessed to God?
• Is there any sin I need to confess to other believers to humble myself, so they can pray for me?

Make it personal: set aside time to respond prayerfully and thoughtfully to these questions

This is from September 1, Daily Reflections by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

I am so thankful for her constant flow of awesome application, sure helps me grow!